Dick. It may recommend you to be a Footman, perhaps, but nothing further, nothing further, indeed. If you look higher, you must furnish yourself with other Qualifications: You must learn to say Ay, or No; to run, or stand; to fetch, or carry, or leap over a Stick at the Word of Command. You must be Master of the Arts of Flattery, Insinuation, Dissimulation, Application, and [Pointing to his Palm] right Application too, if you hope to succeed.
King. You don't consider I am a Courtier, methinks.
Dick. Not I, indeed; 'tis no Concern of mine what you are. If, in general, my Character of the Court is true, 'tis not my Fault if it's disagreable to your Worship. There are particular Exceptions I own, and I hope you may be one.
King. Nay, I don't want to be flatter'd, so let that pass. Here's better Success to you the next Time you come to London.
Dick. I thank ye; but I don't design to see it again in haste.
Mil. No, no, Dick; instead of depending upon Lords Promises, depend upon the Labour of thine own Hands; expect nothing but what thou can'st earn, and then thou wilt not be disappointed. But come, I want a Description of London; thou hast told us nothing thou hast seen yet.
Dick. O! 'tis a fine Place! I have seen large Houses with small Hospitality; great Men do little Actions; and fine Ladies do——nothing at all. I have seen the honest Lawyers of Westminster-Hall, and the virtuous Inhabitants of 'Change-Alley. The politick Mad-men of Coffee-Houses, and the wise Statesmen of Bedlam. I have seen merry Tragedies, and sad Comedies; Devotion at an Opera, and Mirth at a Sermon; I have seen fine Cloaths at St. James's, and long Bills at Ludgate-Hill. I have seen poor Grandeur, and rich Poverty; high Honours, and low Flattery, great Pride, and no Merit. In short, I have seen a Fool with a Title, a Knave with a Pension, and an honest Man with a Thread-bare Coat. Pray how do you like London?
Mil. And is this the best Description thou can'st give of it?
Dick. Yes.
King. Why, Richard, you are a Satirist, I find.