“You asked for the cause, and I am explaining to you all the phenomena which a cause may produce,” responded the other. “But I regret I cannot stop to describe to you my original ideas on the subject. If you are anxious to apply your mind to their investigation, you will find them in the Philosophical Chimney-sweep’s Penny Magazine; and if I can be of service to you in any other way, you can always command me on the shortest notice, and on the most reasonable terms.” So saying, he placed a card in Oriel’s hand, and was very quickly out of sight. The card was of a pink colour, was glazed and embossed; and on it was elegantly engraved, “Leibnitz Kant Chummy, Chimney-sweep and Nightman to the Royal Family, in all its branches.” The two friends found quite as much wonder as amusement in what they had heard.
“I had been told that these Australians were the most enlightened people on the earth,” remarked Oriel; “but I certainly never expected to be mystified after this fashion by two individuals belonging to the very lowest ranks, upon merely asking a simple question.”
“Perhaps they are exceptions to the mass,” replied Zabra; “and every one else we meet we shall doubtless find as common-place as we require. Try this old fish-woman: it will be extraordinary, indeed, if you meet with either geometry or metaphysics in her.”
Oriel approached a female whose sex was scarcely distinguishable, as she squatted by a basket of fish, in a man’s old great coat and hat. She observed a stranger advancing towards her; and, believing him to be a customer, she held up one of her fish so as to put all its good qualities into the best situation for minute inspection.
“Fine and fresh—worthy to make a dinner for a prince!” she exclaimed.
“My good woman, can you tell me the attraction which brings all these people together?” asked Oriel Porphyry.
In a moment the old hag put down her fish, and, with the seriousness of a Socrates, replied, “There are three kinds of attraction; which are, the mathematical, the mathematico-physical, and the physical attraction: of which of these do you require a definition?”
“Confound the people, they’re all alike!” exclaimed the young merchant; but the old dame, without noticing the exclamation, continued:—
“Suppose A to be a glass of any comfortable liquor with which you may feel inclined to treat me, and B my mouth, which is at all times very desirous of a coalition with the same. When A moves towards B, it is evident that B has the power directly or indirectly of drawing or attracting A; and when you notice this, and measure the law of the motion, and discover that A moves as if attracted towards B by some simple law, you will easily be enabled to ascertain what will take place if the motion continue. This is mathematical attraction. When it becomes evident that A not only moves towards B, but that B is an agent in the motion created, as, to satisfy the thirst or inclination of B, A is attracted towards it, A always moving where there is thirst or inclination, but never where neither exist, then this is called mathematico-physical attraction. And when, by a power existing in B, A is drawn towards it without any other exciting cause; thus, if nothing else in the world existed but A and B in a state of rest, and A move towards B by some influence which is as much a part of its nature as its thirst or inclination, then would be created what is called physical attraction. And now, for a trifle, I will give you the most convincing demonstration of the modus operandi of all these phenomena.”