“Here,” says the narrator, “a tremendous burst of wind and rain from Ben Nevis blew in the windows of the kirk, and brought the preacher’s eloquence to an abrupt conclusion.”
Highlanders have the habit when talking their English, so-called, of interjecting the personal pronoun “he” when it is not required—such as “the doctor he has come,” or “the postman he is going”—and often in consequence a sentence or an expression is rendered sufficiently ludicrous, as the sequel will show. A reverend and pious gentleman once began his discourse thus:—“My dearly beloved brethren, you will find the subject of our observations this afternoon in the First Epistle General of Peter, the fifth chapter and the eighth verse, and in these words, ‘The devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.’ Now, my brethren, with your leave, we will divide the subject of our text into four heads. First, we shall endeavour to ascertain who the devil he was. Secondly, we shall inquire into his geographical position—namely, where the devil he was going. Thirdly—and this is of a personal character—we will ask ourselves who the devil he was seeking. Fourthly, and lastly, my beloved brethren, we shall endeavour to solve a problem that has never been solved to this day—namely, what the devil he was roaring at.”
Recently a Highland policeman, not many weeks imported from the island of Jura, approached to where a number of young men were standing in a knot on the pavement of one of the busier streets of the Western metropolis, and pushing them somewhat roughly, exclaimed, “If you’ll be going to stand here, my lads, you’ll have to be moving about.”
“Is this not a free country?” demanded one of the fellows, somewhat sharply.
“This is not ta country at all, you tam sheep’s head,” shouted the now enraged member of the law, “this is one of the largest cities in the town of Glasgow!”
But if Donald’s uttered speech is sometimes ludicrous, what are we to say concerning some specimens which we have seen of his written address! The Glasgow Herald a number of years ago gave its authority for the following being a verbatim copy of a letter which, a short time previously, had been received by a local coal-agent, the writer’s name alone being mercifully withheld from publication:—
“Turbert,
27 February, 180074
“Sur,—I was understand that you was a cole pit. i was want to knew what was your monish for to supplie coal to be deliver to turbert at the Quay most nearust to the city of turbert loch fine side was I used to got my coal from a agent at Greenock but he was charge me a great dale much more than i was understand he was pae for them and though am always used to was a onest man i was not have many monish to spare, and was wish to have as chape a prise as I could got. I was tuk 2 cargos as wad full a smak about 20 tons twice as more every week to land on thursdae, and the monish wood be sented to you wunst every fridae by the agint of the bank a very dacent man and his wife too and has aulways pai his way and never was spoke an ill about any man as I was knew before, if you will rite your price to me the smallest you can took I will rite you a answer when the day after will come.
“I was like to deal with a highlandman, and always did use to like very more aul the Campbell’s, my wife’s cuisin’s faither’s uncle was a Campbell—a very civil lad as was a fishing smak and was made a dale of monish and was lefe a legacie to my wife who will be glad to see you with myselfe and gave you a bed if you was kum and spoke the prise you wood tuke for the coles and save you the trubel of wrighting a letter to was to tell the prise of the coles.