“Weel, ye see, when I cam here, sax year syne, I just weighed eight stane, an’ I’m fully seventeen stane noo; so, ye see, that aboot nine stane o’ me belangs to this parish, an’ I maun be maistly a native o’t.”
Not very long ago a countryman got married, and soon after invited a friend to his house and introduced him to his new wife, who, by the by, was a person of remarkably plain appearance. “What do you think o’ her John?” he asked his friend, when the good lady had retired from the room for a little. “She’s no’ very bonnie!” was the candid and discomforting reply. “That’s true,” said the husband; “she’s no muckle to look at, but she’s a rale gude-hearted woman. Positeevly ugly outside, but a’ that’s lovely inside.” “Lord, man, Tam,” said the friend gravely, “it’s a peety ye couldna flype her!”
At a feeing market in Perth a boy was waiting to be hired, when a farmer, who wanted such a servant, accosted him, and after some conversation, enquired if he had a written character. The lad replied that he had, but it was at home. “Bring it with you next Friday,” said the farmer, “and meet me here at two o’clock.” When the parties met again, “Weel, my man,” said the farmer, “ha’e ye got your character?” “Na,” was the reply, “but I’ve gotten yours, an’ I’m no comin’!”
“There’s anither row up at the Soutars’,” said Willie Wilson, as he shook the rain from his plaid and took his accustomed seat by the inn parlour fire. “I heard them at it as I cam’ by just noo.”
“Ay, ay; there’s aye some fun gaun’ on at the Soutars’,” said another of the company, with a laugh.
“Fun? I shouldn’t think there’s much fun in those disgraceful family disturbances,” said the schoolmaster.
“Aweel, it’s no’ so vera bad, after a’,” said the other, who had his share of matrimonial strife. “Ye see, when the wife gets in her tantrums she aye throws a plate or brush, or maybe twa or three, at Sandy’s head. Gin she hits him she’s gled, and gin she misses him he’s gled; so, ye see, there’s aye some pleasure to a’e side or the ither.”
The Laird of Balnamoon, riding past a high, steep bank, stopped opposite a hole in it, and said, “John, I saw a brock gang in there.”
“Did ye?” said John; “will ye haud my horse, sir?”
“Certainly,” said the Laird, and away rushed John for a spade.