The humour of John Skinner, for sixty-four years the Episcopal minister of Longside, who was the friend and correspondent of Robert Burns, and the author of “Tullochgorum,” “The Ewie wi’ the Crookit Horn,” “John o’ Badenyon,” and many other capital songs, was of the finest quality, standing in that respect in striking contrast to the humour of the U.P. minister of Dumfries. One specimen will suffice here, and I give it exactly as recorded by Dean Ramsay. Being present at a party (I think, says the Dean, at Lord Forbes’s), where were also several ministers of the Establishment, the conversation over their wine turned, among other things, on the Prayer Book. Skinner took no part in it till one minister remarked to him—
“The great fault I hae to your Prayer Book is that ye use the Lord’s Prayer sae aften. Ye just mak’ a dishclout o’t.”
Skinner’s rejoinder was, “Verra true; ay, man, we mak’ a dishclout o’t, an’ we wring’t, an’ we wring’t, an’ the bree o’t washes a’ the lave o’ our prayers.” The reply was witty and clever, and without gall.
Here you have another admirable example of the retort courteous. An old Edinburgh Doctor of Divinity, whose nose and chin were both very long, lost his teeth, and the nose and chin were thus brought, like the nose and chin of Willie Wastle’s wife, to “threaten ither.” A friend of his, accordingly, looking him broad in the face, jokingly observed—
“I am afraid, Doctor, your nose and chin will fight before long; they approach each other very menacingly.”
“I am afraid of it myself,” was the ready and good-humoured reply, “for a great many words have passed between them already.”
The Rev. Dr. Lawson, of Selkirk, a pious, able, and esteemed man, was reputed for indulging in those sallies of humour which not unfrequently avail in conveying salutary council when a graver method would prove ineffectual. His medical advisor, says Dr. Charles Rogers, had contracted the unworthy habit of using profane oaths. The Doctor had sent for him to consult him upon the state of his health, when, after hearing a narrative of his complaints, the physician rather angrily said, “Damn it, sir, you are the slave of a vile habit, and you will not soon recover unless you at once give it up.”
“And what is the habit you refer to?” inquired the patient.
“It is your practice of smoking—the use of tobacco is injuring your constitution.”
“I find it is an expensive habit,” said Dr. Lawson, “and if it is injuring me I shall abandon it; but will you permit me to give you a hint, too, as to a vile habit of your own; and which, were you to give it up, would be a great benefit to yourself and comfort to your friends?”