“Put on the goun, sir,” said John, “it mak’s ye mair impressive like, an’ ye need it a’.”
In a congregation in the North the beadle had been systematically pilfering just as much of the church-door collection money as would keep himself in snuff. The acting elder habitually counted the money in the presence of the minister, put it in the box, turned the key in the lock, and left it there. By and by it was discovered that small sums were being regularly abstracted. Suspicion fell on the beadle. So one Sabbath after the minister had seen the elder count over the day’s drawings, and place it in the box in the usual way, he returned to the Session-house after the Sabbath School was dismissed, and, counting over the money again, noticed that the usual small portion had disappeared. He accordingly summoned the beadle. “David,” said the minister, “there is something wrong here. Some one has been abstracting the church money from the box; and you know that no one has access to it but you and I.”
The minister thought he had the beadle thoroughly cornered, and that he would confess his guilt. But David cleared his conscience, and dumfoundered the minister by this strange proposal:
“Weel, minister,” said he, “if there is a deficiency, it’s for you and me to mak’ it up ’atween us, and say naething about it!”
A highly respectable minister, who had no preaching gifts, was one day going to officiate for a country brother who was from home. The manse to which he was going was some miles from the railway station, and the minister’s man, John, was in waiting with the conveyance for the stranger when the train arrived in the winter afternoon. John, after receiving him kindly, told him that he had some messages to do in the town close by the station, which would take him about half an hour, and that if he would go along to the hotel the landlord would give him a comfortable seat at the fireside till he was ready. The minister readily agreed, but when, instead of half an hour, considerably more than an hour elapsed before John appeared, he upbraided him when he came for his unnecessary delay, and threatened to report him to his master. At length John could stand it no longer, and said, “Weel, sir, if ye maun hae the truth, I was tell’t by the maister to put aff at the toun till it was dark, so that the folk in the parish micht na see wha was to preach the morn.”
When the Rev. Mr. Mitchell had been translated from a country parish to a church in Glasgow, a friend of his, visiting the old parish, asked the beadle how he liked the new minister.
“Oh,” said the beadle, “he’s a very good man, but I would rather hae Mr. Mitchell.”
“Indeed,” said the visitor; “I suppose the former was a better preacher?”
“No; we’ve a good enough preacher now.”