“In fact, sir, you want an apparatus combining a variety of qualities, in a word, an absolutely silent, efficient, economical, invisible, corrosive proof, unornamented, not-too-heavily-springed, easily adjustable, readily removable, British-made, right-handed, patent automatic door closer, ideally fitted in every possible respect for attaching to your pantry door which (I understand you to say) contains a glass window. How is that, sir?”
“Splendid, splendid.”
“Well, sir, I regret that there has never been any article of that description put on the market, but if you care to visit our wholesale department across the road, you may perhaps be able to make your choice from a reasonably large selection of our present imperfect models. Good day, sir.”
XLVII
SEQUELS ARE BARRED
IF you solve a problem to the best of your ability, it never bothers you again. Enough said: but the following emblem may be taken to heart:—
EPITAPH ON AN UNFORTUNATE ARTIST
He found a formula for drawing comic rabbits:
This formula for drawing comic rabbits paid.
So in the end he could not change the tragic habits
This formula for drawing comic rabbits made.
XLVIII
TOM FOOL
THERE is a saying that “More people know Tom Fool than Tom Fool knows”; that may be all right if it means recognizing him in the street, but he has to be a wonder before he can, without eccentricity, make his work immediately recognized in print and be even distinguishable from the best efforts of imitators. This proverb was obviously in the head of the man or woman who wrote the following sonnet, in the Spectator (I think) about a year ago; I have lost the cutting and the reference, and ask to be pardoned if I misquote:—
Cunning indeed Tom Fool must be to-day
For us, who meet his verses in a book,
To cry “Tom Fool wrote that.... I know his way....
... Unsigned, yet eyed all over with Tom’s look....
Why see! It’s pure Tom Fool, I’m not mistook....
Fine simple verses too; now who’s to say
How Tom has charmed these worn old words to obey
His shepherd’s voice and march beneath his crook?
Instead we ponder “I can’t name the man,
But he’s been reading Wilde,” or “That’s the school
Of Côterie.... Voices.... Pound ... the Sitwell clan ...”
“He ‘knows his Kipling’ ” ... “he accepts the rule
Of Monro ... of Lord Tennyson ... of Queen Anne”
How seldom, “There, for a ducat, writes,
Tom Fool.