INGERSOLLIA
By Robert G. Ingersoll
GEMS OF THOUGHT FROM THE LECTURES, SPEECHES, AND CONVERSATIONS OF COL ROBERT G. INGERSOLL, REPRESENTATIVE OF HIS OPINIONS AND BELIEFS
Edited By Elmo
1882.
CONTENTS
[ 2. The Happy Life of the Farm ]
[ 3. The Ambitious Farmer's Boy ]
[ 4. Never Be Afraid of Work! ]
[ 5. Happiness the Object of Life ]
[ 6. The Sunset of the Farmer's Life ]
[ 7. Farmers, Protect Yourselves! ]
[ 8. Roast the Beef, Not the Cook. ]
[ 10. The Wages of Slovenly Farming. ]
[ 11. The Farmer's Happy Winter ]
[ 15. What to do with the Idlers ]
[ 17. The Best Farming States ]
[ 18. The Laborers, the Kings and Queens ]
[ 19. The Family the Only Heaven in this World ]
[ 20. The Far-Seeing Eyes of Children. ]
[ 21. Love and Freedom in a Cabin ]
[ 22. The Turnpike Road of Happiness ]
[ 23. Love Paying Ten Per Cent ]
[ 24. A Word to the Cross-Grained ]
[ 25. Oh! Daughters and Wives be Beautiful ]
[ 26. A Wholesome Word to the Stingy ]
[ 27. The Boss of the Family ]
[ 29. The Opera at the Table ]
[ 30. A Child's laugh sweeter than Apollo's lyre ]
[ 31. Don't Wake the Children ]
[ 32. How to Deal with Children ]
[ 34. The Greatest Liars in Michigan ]
[ 36. A Solemn Satire on Whipping Children ]
[ 37. The Whips and Gods are Gone! ]
[ 38. Absolute Independence of the Individual ]
[ 42. I Want to Put Out the Fires of Hell ]
[ 44. A Star in the Sky of Despair ]
[ 45. Do not Shock the Heathen! ]
[ 46. I will Settle with God Myself ]
[ 47. I Claim my Right to Guess ]
[ 50. Every Man a Bight to Think ]
[ 51. Too Early to Write a Creed ]
[ 52. Every Mind True to Itself ]
[ 53. The Torch of Progress. ]
[ 54. Gold makes a Barren Landscape ]
[ 56. The Divorce of Church and State ]
[ 60. The Temple of the Future ]
[ 62. The Eighteenth Century ]
[ 63. Liberty—Fraternity—Equality! ]
[ 65. Ingersoll Not a Politician ]
[ 68. Church and School Divorced ]
[ 69. Laws That Want Repealing ]
[ 72. Candidates Made Hypocrites ]
[ 73. The Church and the Throne ]
[ 75. Liberty for Politicians ]
[ 76. Tax all Church Property ]
[ 78. The Best Blood of the Old Word come to the New ]
[ 80. The Enthusiasts of 1776 ]
[ 81. The Church Must Have no Sword ]
[ 82. We are All of Us Kings! I want the power where some one can use ]
[ 87. Years Without Seeing a Dollar! ]
[ 88. The Wail of Dead Nations ]
[ 89. What the Republican Party Did ]
[ 91. Photograph of a Democrat. ]
[ 92. I am a Republican, I Tell You! ]
[ 94. Give Every Man a Chance ]
[ 95. Who Shall Rule the Country? ]
[ 96. The Declaration of Independence ]
[ 97. The World Grows Brighter. ]
[ 100. We are a Great People ]
[ 103. The Republican Platform. ]
[ 104. Our Government the best on Earth ]
[ 105. Will the Second Century of America be as good as the First? ]
[ 106. The Glory of Science. ]
[ 108. Science Better than a Creed ]
[ 109. The Religion of Science ]
[ 110. Science not Sectarian ]
[ 111. The Epitaph of all Religions ]
[ 115. Science Opening the Gates of Thought ]
[ 116. Stars and Grains of Sand ]
[ 117. The Trinity of Science ]
[ 118. The Old and the New Old ideas perished in the retort of the ]
[ 119. The Triumphs of Science ]
[ 121. Science the only Lever ]
[ 122. The Colonel Short of Words!!! ]
[ 123. Slavery in the Name of Religion ]
[ 124. The Patrons of Slavery ]
[ 125. A Colored Man in Congress ]
[ 127. Black People have Suffered Enough ]
[ 128. The History of Civilization ]
[ 129. Does God Uphold Slavery? ]
[ 131. The Soldiers of the Republic ]
[ 133. What Were We Fighting For? ]
[ 134. The Revolution Consummated ]
[ 135. Fighting Done!—Work Begun! ]
[ 136. Manhood worth more than Gold ]
[ 137. Grander than Greek or Roman. ]
[ 138. Let us Drink to the Living and the Dead ]
[ 139. Will the Wounds of the War be Healed? ]
[ 140. Saviours of the Nation ]
[ 143. The Debt will be paid ]
[ 145. A Voter because a Man ]
[ 146. Keep the Flag in Heaven! ]
[ 147. Prosperity and Resumption hand in hand ]
[ 148. Every Poor Man should Stand by the Government ]
[ 150. A Government with a Long Arm ]
[ 155. The South and the Tariff ]
[ 157. The Old Woman of Tewksbury ]
[ 158. American Muscle, Coined into Gold ]
[ 160. Resources of Illinois. ]
[ 164. America a Glorious Land ]
[ 165. How to Spend a Dollar ]
[ 166. Honesty is Best always and Everywhere ]
[ 167. A Fountain of Greenbacks ]
[ 168. What the Greenback says! ]
[ 170. Silver demonetized by Fraud! ]
[ 172. Faith—A Mixture of Insanity and Ignorance ]
[ 173. What the Saints Could Cure! ]
[ 174. The Sleep of Persecutors ]
[ 175. Crime Rampant and God Silent! ]
[ 176. How Criminals Die Serenely! ]
[ 177. The first Corpse and the first Cathedral ]
[ 178. The Sixteenth Century ]
[ 179. An Orthodox Gentleman ]
[ 181. History a Bloody Farce! ]
[ 182. Weak ones Suffering—Heaven deaf ]
[ 183. Heaven has no Ear, no Hand ]
[ 184. Religion is Tyrannical ]
[ 186. Religion not the End of Life ]
[ 188. The Worst Religion in the World ]
[ 189. Religion Demanding Miracles ]
[ 195. The Church Forbids Investigation ]
[ 196. The Church Charges Falsely ]
[ 197. The Church in the "Dark Ages" ]
[ 198. The Few Say, "Think!" ]
[ 199. The Church and the Tree of Knowledge ]
[ 200. The Church Cries, "Believe!" ]
[ 201. The Heretics Cried, "Halt!" ]
[ 202. The World not so Awful Flat ]
[ 203. From Whence Come Wars? ]
[ 204. Another Day of Divine Work ]
[ 205. The Donkey and the Lion ]
[ 206. The Orthodox Christian ]
[ 208. The Church the Great Robber ]
[ 211. Shakespeare's Plays v. Sermons ]
[ 212. Why Should the Church be Merciful? ]
[ 213. The Church and the Infidel. ]
[ 215. Infinite Impudence of the Church ]
[ 218. The Church Looks Back ]
[ 223. Freedom for the Clergy ]
[ 225. Origin of the Priesthood ]
[ 227. The Parson, the Crane and the Fish ]
[ 228. Banish Me from Eden—But! ]
[ 229. The Pulpit's Cry of Fear ]
[ 231. The Parson Factory at Andover ]
[ 232. A Charge to Presbyteries ]
[ 233. Nature the True Bible ]
[ 236. I Don't Believe the Bible ]
[ 237. The Bible the Real Persecutor ]
[ 238. Immoralities of the Bible ]
[ 239. The Bible Stands in the Way ]
[ 243. Damned for Laughing at Samson ]
[ 244. The Man, Not the Book, Inspired ]
[ 246. Absurd and Foolish Fables ]
[ 247. The Bible the Work of Man ]
[ 248. Something to Admire, not Laugh at ]
[ 249. An Intellectual Deformity ]
[ 250. The Bible a Poor Product ]
[ 251. The Bible the Battle Ground of Sects ]
[ 253. Where Moses got the Pentateuch ]
[ 254. God's Letter to His Children ]
[ 256. Read the Bible—and Then! ]
[ 257. An Infallible Book Makes Slaves ]
[ 258. Can a Sane Man Believe in Inspiration? ]
[ 261. The Bad Passages in the Bible not Inspired ]
[ 263. One Plow worth a Million Sermons ]
[ 265. The Legitimate Influence of Religion ]
[ 266. Infidels the Flowers of the World ]
[ 267. The Noblest Sons of, Earth ]
[ 268. How Ingersoll became an Infidel ]
[ 269. Why Should Infidels Die in Fear? ]
[ 270. Infidelity is Liberty ]
[ 271. The World in Debt to Infidels ]
[ 272. Infidels the Pioneers of Progress ]
[ 273. Infidels the Great Discoverers ]
[ 275. Every Nation has Created a God ]
[ 277. Creation the Decomposition of the Infinite ]
[ 278. The Gods Are as the People Are ]
[ 279. Gods Shouldn't Make Mistakes ]
[ 281. Plenty of Gods on Hand ]
[ 283. Was the Devil an Idiot? ]
[ 286. Fancy a Devil Drowning a World ]
[ 287. Some Gods Very Particular About Little Things ]
[ 288 The Gods of To-day the Scorn of To-morrow ]
[ 289. No Evidence of a God in Nature ]
[ 290. Great Variety in Gods ]
[ 292. Give the Devil His Due ]
[ 294. On the Horns of a Dilemma ]
[ 295. The Devil and the Swine ]
[ 296. How can I assist God? ]
[ 299. The Devils better than the Gods ]
[ 302. Hope of a Future Life ]
[ 304. What if Death Does End All? ]
[ 305. The Old World Ignorant of Destiny ]
[ 306. Where the Doctrine of Hell was born ]
[ 307. The Grand Companionships of Hell ]
[ 309. The Drama of Damnation ]
[ 310. Annihilation rather than be a God ]
[ 311. "All that have Red Hair shall be Damned." ]
[ 312. The Conscience of a Hyena ]
[ 316. The Emperor Constantine. ]
[ 317. Did Franklin and Jefferson Die in Fear? ]
[ 318. Angels at Constantino's Dying Bed! ]
[ 322. The Greatest of all Political Writers ]
[ 323. The Writings of Paine ]
[ 324. The Last Words of Paine. ]
[ 325. Paine Believed in God ]
[ 326. The Intellectual Hera ]
[ 327. Paine, Franklin, Jefferson ]
[ 331. Calvin's Five Fetters ]
[ 334. Humboldt's Illustrious Companions ]
[ 335. Humboldt the Apostle of Science ]
[ 336. Ingersoll Muses by Napoleon's Tomb ]
[ 337. Eulogy on J. G. Blaine ]
[ 348. Professor Swing, a Dove amongst Vultures ]
[ 349. Queen Victoria and George Eliot ]
[ 352. "Wealthy in Integrity; In Brain a Millionaire." ]
[ 353. Garfield a Certificate of the Splendor of the American Constitution ]
[ 356. The Aristocracy that will Survive. ]
[ 357. Truth will Bear the Test ]
[ 360. The People are Beginning to Think ]
[ 362. Man the Victor of the Future ]
[ 364. Make the Sabbath Merry ]
[ 365. Away to the Hills and the Sea ]
[ 367. Moses took Egyptian Law for his Model ]
[ 368. A False Standard of Success ]
[ 370. The Sad Wilderness History ]
[ 371. Law Much Older than Sinai ]
[ 372. Who is the Blasphemer? ]
[ 375. Haeckel before Moses! ]
[ 378. Early Rising is Barbaric! ]
[ 380. Never Rise at Four O'Clock ]
[ 384. The One Window in the Ark ]
[ 385. No Ante-Diluvian Camp-Meetings! ]
[ 387. What did Moses know about the Sun? ]
[ 388. Something for Nothing ]
[ 390. The Colonel in the Kitchen—How to Cook a Beefsteak ]
[ 393. Scathing Impeachment of Intemperance ]
[ 396. Ingersoll Prefers Shoemakers to Princes ]
[ 399. Who is the True Nobleman? ]
[ 400. Wanted!—More Manliness ]
[ 402. The Worker Wearing the Purple ]
[ 404. Be Happy—Here and Now! ]
[ 405. The School House a Fort ]
[ 408. The Gospel of Cheerfulness ]
[ 409. The Gospel of Liberty ]
[ 410. The Gospel of 'Good Living ]
[ 411. The Gospel of Intelligence ]
[ 412. The Gospel of Justice ]
[ GEMS FROM THE CONTROVERSIAL GASKET ]
[ 413. The Origin of the Controversy ]
[ 414. What is Christianity? ]
[ 415. Summary of Evangelical Belief ]
[ 416. A Profound Change in the World of Thought ]
[ 417. The Believer in the Inspiration of the Bible has too Much to Believe ]
[ 419. The Bible Should be Better than any other Book ]
[ 421. If the Bible is Not Verbally Inspired, What Then? ]
[ 423. A Test Fairly Applied ]
[ 425. Proofs of Civilization ]
[ 427. Man the Author of all Books ]
[ 429. Matthew, Mark, and Luke ]
[ 430. Christianity Takes no Step in Advance ]
[ 431. Christianity a Mixture of Good and Evil ]
[ 432. Jehovah, Epictetus and Cicero ]
[ 435. The Logic of the Coffin ]
[ 437. The Standard of Right ]
[ 440. The Liberty of the Bible ]
[ 442. Jehovah Breaking His Own Laws ]
[ 443. Who Designed the Designer? ]
[ 444. What we Know of the Infinite ]
[ 445. The Universe Self-Existent ]
[ 446. Jehovah's Promise Broken ]
[ 447. Character Bather than Creed ]
[ 448. Mohammed the Prophet of God ]
[ 449. Wanted!—A Little More Legislation ]
[ 450. Is all that Succeeds Inspired? ]
[ 451. The Morality in Christianity ]
[ 453. The Honor Due to Christ ]
[ 454. Christianity has no Monopoly in Morals ]
[ 455. Old Age in Superstition's Lap ]
[ 457. How Gods and Devils are Made ]
[ 458. The Romance of Figures ]
[ 460. Why was Christ so Silent? ]
[ 461. The Philosophy of Action ]
[ 462. Infinite Punishment for Finite Crimes. ]
[ 463. Whence Came the Gospels? ]
[ 464. Mr. Black's Admission ]
[ 465. The Stars Upon the Door of France ]
[ A KIND WORD FOR JOHN CHINAMAN ]
[ 466. The Select Committee Afraid ]
[ 467. The Gods of the Joss-House and Patmos ]
[ 469. Christianity has a Fair Show in San Francisco ]
[ 470. An Arrow from the Quiver of Satire ]
[ 471. We Have no Religious System ]
[ 472. Congress Nothing to Do with Religion ]
[ 473. Concessions of the Illustrious Four! ]
[ 474. Do not Trample on John Chinaman ]
[ 475. Be Honest with the Chinese ]
[ 476. An Honest Merchant the Best Missionary ]
[ 477. Good Words from Confucius ]
[ 479. The Chinese and Civil Service Reform ]
[ 480. Invading China in the Name of Opium and Christ ]
[ 481. Don't be Dishonest in the Name of God ]
[ CONCERNING CREEDS AND THE TYRANNY OF SECTS ]
[ 482. Diversity of Opinion Abolished by Henry VIII ]
[ 483. Spencer and Darwin Damned ]
[ 484. The Dead do Not Persecute ]
[ 485. The Atheist a Legal Outcast in Illinois ]
[ 487. The Fate of Theological Students ]
[ 489. Presbyterianism Softening ]
[ 490. The Methodist "Hoist with his own Petard." ]
[ 491. The Precious Doctrine of Total Depravity ]
[ 494. Self-Reliance a Deadly Sin! ]
[ 495. A Hundred and Fifty Years Ago ]
[ 496. The Despotism of Faith ]
[ 498. Calvin's Petrified Heart ]
[ 500. Politeness at Athens! ]
[ 502. While the Preachers Talked the People Slept ]
[ 503. Christianity no Friend to Progress ]
[ 504. Where is the New Eden? ]
[ 505. The Real Eden is Beyond ]
[ 506. Party Names Belittle Men ]
[ 507. Where Did the Serpent Come From? ]
[ 508. Must We Believe Fables to be Good and True? Must we, in order to be ]
[ 509. Why Did Not God Kill the Serpent? ]
[ 510. Questions About the Ark ]
[ 511. Was Language Confounded at Babel. ]
[ 512. Would God Kill a Man for Making Ointment? ]
[ 513. How Did Water run up Hill? ]
[ 514. Would a Real God Uphold Slavery? ]
[ 515. Will There Be an Eternal Auto da Fe? ]
[ ORIENT PEARLS AS RANDOM STRUNG ]
[ INGERSOLL'S ORATION AT HIS BROTHER'S GRAVE ]