Alc. And truly, sir, for my case, if you help me not for my matter, why, sir, I and my wife are quite undone; I want my mease[79] of milk when I go to my work, and my boy his bread and butter when he goes to school. Master Lawyer, pity me, for surely, sir, I was fain to lay my wife's best gown to pawn for your fees: when I looked upon it, sir, and saw how handsomely it was daubed with statute-lace,[80] and what a fair mockado[81] cape it had, and then thought how handsomely it became my wife,—truly, sir, my heart is made of butter, it melts at the least persecution,—I fell on weeping; but when I thought on the words the Usurer gave me, "no cow," then, sir, I would have stript her into her smock, but I would make him deliver my cow ere I had done: therefore, good Master Lawyer, stand my friend.
Lawyer. Trust me, father, I will do for thee as much as for myself.
Alc. Are you married, sir?
Lawyer. Ay, marry, am I, father.
Alc. Then good's benison light on you and your good wife, and send her that she be never troubled with my wife's disease.
Lawyer. Why, what's thy wife's disease.
Alc. Truly, sir, she hath two open faults, and one privy fault. Sir, the first is, she is too eloquent for a poor man, and hath the words of art, for she will call me rascal, rogue, runagate, varlet, vagabond, slave, knave: why, alas, sir, and these be but holiday-terms, but if you heard her working-day words, in faith, sir, they be rattlers like thunder, sir; for after the dew follows a storm, for then am I sure either to be well buffeted, my face scratched, or my head broken: and therefore, good Master Lawyer, on my knees I ask it, let me not go home again to my wife with this word "no cow"; for then she will exercise her two faults upon me with all extremity.
Lawyer. Fear not, man. But what is thy wife's privy fault?
Alc. Truly, sir, that's a thing of nothing; alas, she, indeed, sir-reverence of your mastership, doth use to break wind in her sleep.—O, sir, here comes the Judge, and the old caitiff the Usurer.