Graham knew he would have to think off the top of his head and think fast if he was to come up with something plausible. The minute she found out that the book was a fake, he would be dead meat, that was for sure.
"Okay. Well…. Let's see…. The first spiel—I mean, spell—is 'How to
Turn an Obnoxious Dial (or Socially Disadvantaged Countenance) into a
Reflection of Infinite Beauty.'"
"I haven't the faintest idea what you just said," snapped the Witch with obvious annoyance. "Read it to me again. Wait. That won't do any good. What do you think it means?"
Graham knew he had her hooked. "It is obviously a spell that will transform you into the most beautiful creature to ever walk the face of the earth."
"Oh, my," said the Witch-clone with obvious delight. "Well, let's get started! What are you waiting for?"
Graham cleared his throat and began to "read" from the book:
"Find a slimy little pickle. Rub it with a shiny nickel. Drop it in a Witch's hat. Add seventeen eggs on top of that. Top that off with a bowl of Jell-O and spittle from a little fellow. Add some sour cream and chives and honey directly from the hives.
[Illustration]
Now add one pint of strawberry jam
(preferably bought from Knott's Berry Farm).
Then bend thy head towards thy legs
and press said hat upon thy head.
Now stand and then induce a friend to pull it down
below thy crown.
Wait at least a half-an-hour.
Take off the hat and dust with flour.
Now look in the mirror and thou shalt see
none more lovelier than thee."
"Oh, that does sound absolutely divine!" cried the Witch. "Quick! Help me gather the materials together so we can start immediately."