About nine or ten at night the pains of hunger and cold drove us to an alehouse in the flats of Bedfordshire, not far from Bedford itself. In the inn kitchen was a long, lean, characteristic-looking fellow of perhaps forty, dressed in black. He sat on a settle by the fireside, smoking a long pipe, such as they call a yard of clay. His hat and wig were hanged upon the knob behind him, his head as bald as a bladder of lard, and his expression very shrewd, cantankerous, and inquisitive. He seemed to value himself above his company, to give himself the airs of a man of the world among that rustic herd; which was often no more than his due; being, as I afterwards discovered, an attorney’s clerk. I took upon myself the more ungrateful part of arriving last; and by the time I entered on the scene the Major was already served at a side table. Some general conversation must have passed, and I smelled danger in the air. The Major looked flustered, the attorney’s clerk triumphant, and three or four peasants in smock-frocks (who sat about the fire to play chorus) had let their pipes go out.
‘Give you good evening, sir!’ said the attorney’s clerk to me.
‘The same to you, sir,’ said I.
‘I think this one will do,’ quoth the clerk to the yokels with a wink; and then, as soon as I had given my order, ‘Pray, sir, whither are you bound?’ he added.
‘Sir,’ said I, ‘I am not one of those who speak either of their business or their destination in houses of public entertainment.’
‘A good answer,’ said he, ‘and an excellent principle. Sir, do you speak French?’
‘Why, no, sir,’ said I. ‘A little Spanish at your service.’
‘But you know the French accent, perhaps?’ said the clerk.
‘Well do I do that!’ said I. ‘The French accent? Why, I believe I can tell a Frenchman in ten words.’
‘Here is a puzzle for you, then!’ he said. ‘I have no material doubt myself, but some of these gentlemen are more backward. The lack of education, you know. I make bold to say that a man cannot walk, cannot hear, and cannot see, without the blessings of education.’