And Eris knew now that whatever became of her career, this man beside her, who was her lover, was something more, too. He was a care. He was a responsibility. He was something to be defended; something to be guided.
For in that instant of fear in his behalf her whole being responded with passionate solicitude.
Now she was beginning to comprehend that this solicitude for him must always be hers while life endured; that the overwhelming instinct to defend, protect, guide the man who must always be a boy for her, dominated all else; and would always rule her every thought and motive; her every plan, every action.
She was beginning to understand that she must have her way with him as a mother with her son; that, to do so, she must contrive, scheme, prepare, foresee, and above all, love.
And, above everything, even love,—if truly in her life this man had become the passion paramount—she must be prepared to give. And supreme, even above love and above giving, she must give up!
She lay unstirring on his shoulder, her lids drooping, thinking, understanding, searching, accepting.
It had happened. It was true. Chiefest of all in life, and suddenly, and in the twinkling of an eye, had become the passionate necessity for the happiness and well-being of this man.
And she knew that she would give her life without a second’s hesitation to protect his. And she knew that in her heart, her mind, her soul, he came first. And all that even most remotely pertained to him. And then, only, came herself. Which was her career. The career, hardly begun, to which she had dedicated all the best in her of belief and effort. The career which, germinating, had filled her ardent heart of a child, which had budded in girlhood, and was in earliest blossom, now. The career for which she had so gratefully gone shabby, had starved, had slept under the stars in public parks.
Lying there on his breast she felt it slipping away—slipping through her slender fingers on his breast. And if, for an instant, her small fingers clutched at what was slipping through them, it was his coat she grasped. And held, tightly, knowing now what truly was her goal and what above all else she must hold her whole life through.