“And then, the night before we were to depart, a special committee of wives called on me to exhibit the standardized bathing suit they had decided upon and get my official O. K. At first I was inclined to criticise—and then I reflected what a very, an exceedingly small thing it was to quarrel about—and graciously gave my consent.
“The next day we left Jerusalem for Mediterranean City. And we created some sensation. I headed the procession, followed by the Mesdames Solomon mounted on the four hundred camels. Then came a detachment of mothers-in-law on army mules (they were invited to come in relays during the summer) and the first instalment of the baggage train brought up the rear.
“The second instalment was to come next day with the things the wives had forgotten and sent back for. And other baggage trains were to follow from time to time during the summer, as needed.
“We were several days upon the journey. Before leaving I had not felt that I needed a vacation, but before we finally arrived at Mediterranean City I was ready for the rest cure.
“You see, traveling in those days was not like what it is now. A camel with shock absorbers and air-cushion springs might be a comfortable vehicle, I should imagine, but in his primitive state a camel’s motion is quite different from that of a limousine or a parlor car. Rubber heels had not been invented or I would surely have had our camels equipped with them.
“We had to camp out along the roadside several nights, and none of the wives were used to that. And they did not hesitate to express their feelings. We had started out with a goat among our numerous menagerie, but at an early stage of the proceedings he escaped into the desert—doubtless in search of peace and quiet.
“However, he was not missed. I took his place. It was a rôle to which, in spite of my royal rank, I was accustomed. Everything that went wrong—and that meant practically everything that happened from start to finish—was blamed on me. I was even accused of having planned and perpetrated the excursion, when I had never had the slightest notion of leaving Jerusalem until they suggested it. Finally my patience was exhausted, and I up and told them if they didn’t like it they could go to Jericho. Then, as now, Jericho was far from being an ideal place of summer residence, and their complaints gradually ceased.
“Well, we finally arrived at Mediterranean City, and then our sorrows began in earnest. I don’t know whether you have ever had any practical experience with the Mediterranean mosquito. I have never been quite able to forgive Noah for bringing ’em into the ark. A reception committee of these pests met us at the city gate and escorted us to the Hotel Paymore—so we were stung twice—when we arrived and when we paid the bill on our departure.
“The first hitch came when the clerk started assigning the rooms. It seems there were only some two hundred with an ocean view—and four hundred wives demanding a room apiece. The clerk threw up his hands and appealed to me. He had heard of some puzzling problems I had solved in my capacity as the world’s champion wise man—I threw up my hands and appealed to the proprietor. And he joined in the pleasing indoor pastime, known as passing the buck, by sending in a riot call for the police. But they didn’t come. They were men of long experience, and they knew better than to come between man and wives.
“The upshot was that we drew lots for the first night, the arrangement after that being to take turns occupying rooms with the ocean view. As for myself, with my usual benign disposition, I took a six-by-nine chamber—a room commanding a splendid prospect of the great desert. But I had learned not to be too particular.