A 10th. triall of the true life of the inner man, (though weak and sickly,) is a discerning, and liking, and secret wishing that beauty and shining of the grace of Christ Jesus, which appears in others of Gods Children, and which we see wanting in our selves. Thus were there a sort of Gods children, which could see beauty and excellency in those which so affectionately inquired after Christ Jesus, in his visible worship, and the severall parts thereof, although themselves were not so zealously affected. Thus therefore say they: O thou the fairest of Women, (an acknowledgment of heavenly grace and beauty, and they also enquire, and desire to see that beauty of Christ Jesus, which the other Saints so praised. And in Cant: 6. they say, whither is thy Beloved gone, oh thou fairest among Women, that we may seek him with thee: Hence many of Gods dear Saints in Qu: Maries time, and other bloody days, in our own and other countries, have praised God for, and have been ravished with the beauties of the heavenly love and zeal, and patience in others of Gods servants, which they have seen wanting in themselves: And thus, (whatever be our weaknesses) it must needs argue a life of grace, when we can view the lives and deaths of the blessed martyrs, or witnesses of Christ Jesus, (either in the holy scriptures, or other Records, I say can view them with a liking and true affecting of their graces, with an humble acknowledgment of our own wants and poverties, and a mourning desire of attaining to such a beauteous profession of Christ Jesus.
Such a beauty (doubtles) did many of Gods children apprehend in the Lords Ordinances, and in such as suffred for them in England, who yet found not strength themselves, to stand and suffer for, and with them, yet left much and fled to New England, hoping to enjoy there (though with too much weak desire of peace and liberty) the Ordinances of Christ Jesus, their souls Beloved.
Obj. But did not Balaam see the beauty and excellency of Gods Saints, when he cried out, let me dye the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his, &c.
I answer, it is usually well said, Balaam desired the death, and blessednes of the righteous, but not the life and righteousnesse of the righteous.
Obj. Balaam seems to have seen the beauty of righteousnesse it self.
Dissemblers, in a respect may desire righteousness, but only Gods children can long for it in truth, and for it self.
I answer, he might see and like righteousnes in the end, and fruit of it, and yet not in the true nature and beauty of it, for then he would have as well desired the life, as the death of the righteous, just as these Indians (amongst whom I write these lines) they see the excellency of the English industry, joyned with plenty, and a better condition then their own, but endure not that life of labour and indeavour, wherein that plenty and better state is found. But Gods children beholding the beauty and excellency of the heavenly lives and deaths of others, (like souldiers in a Field) are provoked by those examples, to desire to follow Christ Jesus in those holy paths, and secretly to bemoan their own infirmities and deformities.
These and many more discoveries of the life of Christ Jesus in the soul, (though in the midst of many weaknesses, and spirituall sicknesses) I hope (my dear love and faithfull companion) thou in truth discernest in thy self, and I, and others have discerned in thee: But oh search diligently in the Lords holy presence, and humbly beg his help, that as the Spirit of God admonisheth, (Gal. 6.) thou maiest have rejoycing in thy self, and not in anothers good opinion of thee.
Gods children cannot but desire spirituall health, as wel as life and Christian being.
But grant all these, and the assurance of a true and blessed life of grace within us?