I have speculated about my guards and answered their kind inquiries. I am killing time; the afternoon is slipping away quickly. At any rate, the jury cannot stay out much longer. I look at my watch—eight minutes and a half have passed. Good God! Only eight minutes and a half!
The second entry at four o’clock.
I am chemist enough to love an experiment. The jury is the unknown substance; the testimony, the reagent; my case is in solution; what will precipitate?
I think of the judge’s charge. I can repeat it word for word; it is seared into my brain; but it would have been more cruel had it aroused a false hope. How did it impress the jury? Over and over again, the old question cries out in my mind: “What will the jury do?”
You may be sure I selected pleasant-faced men; men with little fans made of wrinkles at the corners of their eyes; men who smiled often; who had pleasant voices.
What a change comes over a talesman when he becomes a juror! He is sworn. He takes his seat in the box; he will hold your life in his hand; you cannot get rid of him. Now you look at him in this new aspect, and there is a leer about his mouth, a cruelty in his eyes you had not seen before. Why did you select him—a man with a jaw like that? It was suicide.
I think of the prosecution’s case. They will convict me, of course. I reconsider it from my point of view. No, they cannot! No jury in the world could convict on such theories. But on what will they base an acquittal? There was no defence. I remember the surprises the district attorney’s office has sprung upon me—the unanswered witnesses, the fervent experts swearing to the impassioned hypothetical questions of the prosecutor, and his closing address, scathing, unjust. There is no chance for me—the odds are thousands to one against acquittal.
Even so, whispers Hope, that happens every day. Think of the lotteries—the odds in them are many thousands to one against the winning ticket; but one ticket must win. There can be no—That’s it! “The reasonable doubt”! But there has been no defence. It is hopeless. Then the presumption of innocence? Ah, they will disagree; I know it, I am sure of juror number ----; I shall have another chance; but what will the jury do? Perhaps they will exonerate me.
The third entry: 5 o’clock.
I have gone over the merits of the case again, coolly, dispassionately. I have counted the points against me on the fingers of my right hand, and checked off the points in my favor on the left. I shall be convicted is my conclusion.