Upon my honor I was afraid that they would cut each other’s throats, but I seized the first thing that came to my hand (unluckily it was the ewer with the doves, pride of Florimond’s heart), and dashed it in fragments on the table. The noise checked the combatants, and at the same moment, Martine ran in with a pot of boiling water and threatened to sprinkle it over them if they did not stop fighting. They still clamored and disputed, but when I raise my voice, other donkeys have to cease braying.
“I am master here,” I cried, “and I tell you I will have no more of this. Shut up! Are you all crazy, or do you take this for the Council of Nicea? If you want subjects to discuss, pick out something of our own day, for I am bored to death with your old quarrels. If the doctor has ordered you to dispute by way of exercise, you can wrangle over the merits of these wines, the food on the table, or anything you can see or touch, and then there will be some way to decide the controversy; but to differ about the Holy Ghost, or the mind of God, is as much as to say that you have no minds of your own. I am not opposed to faith; I believe, he believes, you believe, as much as you please, but don’t let us talk so much about it. There are plenty of other interesting topics in the world, and, since each of you is perfectly sure to go to Heaven, with a place reserved for you, and all the people who differ from you barred out, let us be happy meanwhile, and leave the good Lord to arrange His household as seems good to Him. Surely He is able to look after His own affairs without assistance from us; He reigns in Heaven, and we on earth; our business is to make it as habitable a place as possible, and to that end we must all do our share; not one of us can be spared; even you four can be useful in your day and generation. Your country needs your faith, John Francis, as much as yours, Anthony; Michael’s adventurous spirit and Anisse’s stay-at-home qualities are equally valuable; for you are the four pillars of the house, and if one gives way, the whole building falls to the ground, and will overwhelm you all in ruin. Surely you must be convinced by such masterly reasoning, and will agree that you do not wish anything so unnecessary. What would you think of sailors in a storm at sea if they fell to disputing instead of taking in sail?
“I will tell you a story about King Henry and our late Duke. They were lamenting the warlike disposition of the French nation which led to perpetual civil wars. ‘Ventresaintgris!’ exclaimed the King, ‘but I should like to take these furious monks and preachers of the Gospel, sew them up in a sack like a litter of cats, and throw them into the Loire!’ The Duke replied that he had heard there was an island where the rulers of Berne sent quarrelsome husbands and wives; when a boat returned for them a month later, it found the couple cooing like a pair of turtle doves. ‘I should like to tie our rival religionists up in bundles and pack them off to that isle, hoping for the same result,’ concluded his lordship, laughing.
“Now, my children,” said I, “you need the same kind of treatment. Why do you grunt and turn your backs on each other? Each of you may think himself of finer clay than his brothers, but the fact is you are all Breugnons, chips of the old block, thorough-bred Burgundians. You all have big crooked noses, and wide mouths like wine-funnels; your eyes look out fiercely from under bushy eyebrows, but there is a twinkle in them all the same. The artist’s signature is plain to see on the four of you, so can’t you understand that if you hurt your brothers, you are injuring yourself as well? That it is for your own interest to be united? What if you don’t think alike on some questions? That is rather an advantage than otherwise, for you cannot all plow the same field; on the contrary, the more fields and opinions there are in the family, the greater our strength and happiness. Reach out then into the world as far as you possibly can, and increase your portion of land and thought. Each for himself and all for each, and may the long Breugnon nose point the way to the future glory of the family! Come, boys, shake hands and be friends!”
For a moment they still looked sulkily at each other, but I could see the clouds parting, and all at once Michael flung his arms round John Francis, with a loud laugh, “Embrace me, Brother-Big-Nose!” cried he, and the others followed his example.
“Come, Martine, let us drink to the Breugnon brothers ourselves!!”
A few moments before, when I broke the ewer in my anger, I had cut my wrist a little, and left a little blood on the table. Anthony held his glass under the scratch in his pompous manner, and caught a drop.
“Let this wine from our father’s veins be the seal of our reconciliation.”
“What a disgusting idea!” I cried; “to think of spoiling good wine with such a mixture! Throw it away, and if you want to drink my blood, you’ll find it in a bottle of the best!” and thereupon we all drank and all agreed as to the vintage.
When they had gone and Martine was binding up my wrist, she said slyly, “You succeeded at last, you old scamp, didn’t you?”