“He came to call upon me one evening about two months after my baby was born. As he often came this fact was nothing new, and his coming always brought with it a certain degree of pleasure, but on this particular evening he drew me upon his knee, fondled me, paid me pretty compliments and ended by making me the blank proposal to become his mistress.
“I had been passive under his caresses, never thinking what it all meant, but now it burst upon me like a thunderbolt, and I saw only a repetition of past experiences. I cast off his encircling arms and tottering to my bed threw myself down and gave way to an outburst of tears and sobs. For a while he let me have my way; then came and sat beside me upon the edge of the bed and talked to me for some hours. He was enamored of my pretty face; called me beautiful, and wanted me all to himself. He promised me a life of ease; lots of money and pretty clothes. He said he could not understand how a man could be so heartless as to cast aside a girl so pretty. He loved me well enough, he said, to have cared for my little babe had it lived. He thought he had proven to me that he was trustworthy, and if I was but willing to try him he was sure I would never rue it.
“As I said before, I did not love him, but I felt a kindly feeling for the really handsome man, which feeling I tried to persuade myself was love. I was cast adrift without a friend or a dollar. What more natural than that I should give heed to the sympathetic voice? Then the thought came to me: If he so loved me he might be willing to make me his wife. So permitting him to take me in his arms and kiss me I took his face between my hands and asked him, would he not marry me? He laughed, as if it were some good joke, but held me all the closer, and still laughing shook his head.
“‘Make you my wife, little girl? No! no! It is not a wife that I want, but someone to love me; someone to whom my coming will be sunshine; whose laugh will be music to me; who will be sure to make the evenings I am with her happy ones, and wives don’t generally do that!’
“I did not understand then what he meant though I did so later. What I did understand was that he refused to marry me. Whatever else the offer contained it was not fair promises that he did not mean to keep. Well, why should I continue? I felt that here was a haven of rest, what else was open to such as I? My past would always be a barrier to my moving among so-called respectable women, and I was desperate.
“To make a long story short I accepted his offer. But this man was truly kind to me. Through it all he never once attempted to take a liberty I had not first granted to him. He never forced his attentions upon me. He soon seemed, however, to understand better how matters stood. A change came over him. Although many were the evenings that he spent with me he was not the same. I missed the joyous happy laugh, and his impulsive caresses were toned down to a light kiss, given at his coming and going. He no longer remained very late. He brought me books and flowers; he prevailed on me to take an interest in many studies, offering to be my teacher. A handsome piano found its way into my rooms on which he taught me to play. Having made the discovery that I possessed considerable talent in music and also that my voice was above the common, he did not rest until a competent vocal teacher was procured for me. Evening after evening he was at my side aiding me in my studies; leading me on and on until I was surprised at the capabilities that had lain dormant in my nature. I awoke to a hunger and thirst for knowledge, and day by day I applied myself more diligently to my studies. I was beginning to be ambitious, the wellspring of which I did not as yet understand, but I would see the smile of pleasure and approval light up his face and I felt rewarded. One evening when about a year had passed he paid me this compliment:
“‘My little girl is quite an accomplished lady now.’
“I can yet feel the flush of pleasure, the blood mounting to my brow, as he laid his hand with caressing touch upon my head, lightly brushing back my hair. The action was new. Long ago he had laid aside the lover and was merely the friend and teacher, and it puzzled me to understand the meaning of it at first. I had not heeded it much, but gradually my feelings had undergone a change. He always treated me with such perfect respect just as if I were some high-bred lady. I learned to admire him first and then a warmer feeling crept into my heart. When evening came I counted the moments until he would arrive. Sometimes it would be late, then a spirit of unrest would make me miserable with the fear that he might disappoint me, and when such would be the case, as it sometimes happened, the spirit of unrest and disappointment would not let me sleep. I awoke to the knowledge that I loved him now if I had not done so during those first weeks of our acquaintance, and with this knowledge another feeling made itself apparent. I felt that I was under obligation to him. He was keeping me as a lady when I had no right whatever to accept anything from him. One evening I electrified him by telling him that I was going to look for work. For a moment he looked at me as if he thought I was not in my right mind, then he peremptorily asked:
“‘What is the meaning of this foolish notion?’
“‘I have been a burden on your hands long enough.’