“Margaret and she were always together, their natures were congenial to each other, and a warm friendship grew up between them; Raby was also much interested in the young widow. I heard him say much more than once that she was a rare creature, and so humble in her own estimation that one would never have guessed how cultivated and accomplished she really was; ‘her manners are so perfectly gentle,’ he went on, ‘no wonder Margaret is glad to have found such a friend.’
“I began to think that she was Raby’s friend too, for nothing seemed to be done in Sandycliffe without Mrs. Grey—‘our Mrs. Grey,’ as Raby called her. Scarcely a day passed without seeing her at the Grange, and very often, as I knew, Raby called at the cottage.
“When I was with him their conversation was always about Pierrepoint, about the workmen’s club Raby had started, and the mothers’ meeting that was Mrs. Grey’s hobby; she was certainly, in spite of her weak health, a most active creature; Raby always seemed to defer to her opinion. He told Margaret that Mrs. Grey was one of the most clear-headed women he had ever met, that her large-minded views were always surprising him. I used to listen in silence to all this. I liked Mrs. Grey, but I began to be jealous of her influence; I thought Raby was too much guided by her judgment—perhaps he was fascinated by her sweet looks.
“‘Small beginnings make large endings.’ ‘Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth.’ Even in a small country place like Sandycliffe there are busy and mischievous tongues. Presently a whisper reached my ears that fanned the smoldering embers of discontent within me to a scorching flame.
“Raby was a young unmarried man, and Mrs. Grey was young and attractive. What if people declared that her heart was buried in her husband’s grave, and that she would, never marry again; they knew young widows always said those sort of things. Perhaps the vicar would induce her to change her mind some day. It would be such an excellent match, they went on; they were evidently cut out for each other, both so good; and then she was rich, it would be such a fortunate thing for Mr. Ferrers, especially when his sister left him; and then, looking at me, they supposed I should go to Redmond Hall with my cousin when she married. People talked like this to us both. Margaret used to laugh as though she were amused at the notion, and she seemed to expect me to laugh too; then she got a little indignant, and contradicted the report gravely. Nothing of the kind could ever happen, she said—she wished those busybodies would leave Raby and Mona alone; Mona was her friend, not his. But somehow I did not believe her. Fern, you look at me reproachfully, you think I ought to have been wiser; but how could I know; I was Raby’s adopted child, his pet, but Mrs. Grey was more his equal in age, and she was very pretty. Her fair delicate style of beauty, and her extreme softness and gentleness might be dangerously attractive to a man like Raby, and I feared—I distrusted her.
“Alas! in a little time I learned to look upon her as my deadliest rival; to hear her name on his lips would send a jealous thrill through me.
“They were always together, at least it seemed so to me; but perhaps I was wrong. By and by I dropped all pretense of parish work; it did not suit me, I said. Raby seemed grieved, but he was true to his word, and did not try to influence me. Perhaps he thought I was restless and was pining for excitement and gayety. Alas! he little knew I would wander miles away, that I might not encounter them coming up the village street together, or witness the frank, cordial smile with which they parted. Mona’s look, her touch, her soft vibrating voice set every nerve on edge. I was pining with a disease for which I knew no name and no remedy, and which was preying on my health and spirits.
“And worst of all, I was completely misunderstood. When in the unequal struggle my appetite failed and sleep forsook me, and a sort of fever kept me restless and irritable, and still no physical illness was at the root, they misconstrued the symptoms and attributed my depression to another cause. I saw in their looks that they distrusted me; they thought my old enemy was coming back, and redoubled their gentleness and care. Then Raby would speak tenderly to me, till every word sounded like a caress; and Margaret would follow me from place to place like some guardian spirit, as though she did not wish to lose sight of me. But they never guessed the cause—how could they? for as the weeks went on, a cold forbidding haughtiness hid their child’s suffering heart from them. I would die, I said to myself recklessly, before they should guess my secret.
“Raby’s face grew sad and then somewhat stern. I knew the old doubts were harassing him; he feared their quiet life was irksome to my youth, that I was fretting in secret for the gayeties and triumphs I had renounced.
“One day we three were sitting at luncheon together; I was playing with the food on my plate to prevent them noticing my want of appetite, as though I could ever evade Raby’s eyes, and longing to escape from the room, for I felt more than usually miserable.