Her eyes sparkled at the thought of breaking her fetters. Already, in spite of her sorrow, she was thinking with excitement: What next? She was ready to contemplate a fresh start. Soon her indomitable vitality would light upon and kindle fresh objects; and all around her would live, as once you had lived, in her glow. She would have no time, no room, to remember what had once absorbed her. Judith turned her head away, tasting despair; for it seemed that the zest for life they had both shared burned in Jennifer undiminished now that the time of sharing was over; while for her it had gone out, like a snuffed candle.
Jennifer fastened her great eyes upon her, whispering: ‘You don’t know how I shall miss you.’
Ah, she saw she had wounded,—was trying, too late, to make amends. Judith answered, making her voice harsh and scornful:
‘Oh no, you won’t. You’ll find heaps of new thrilling people and you’ll soon forget me.’
‘Oh——’ was all Jennifer said, beneath her breath. She shut her eyes, and Judith saw her mouth alter and quiver. ‘You don’t understand,’ she whispered after a long time. ‘No, you don’t understand. God, I’m in such a muddle.’
It was no use trying to find comfort from hurting Jennifer. There was nothing but pain to be had from the spectacle of that beloved face shrinking and helpless. Whatever it cost all must be made easy for her.
‘I’m sorry, Jennifer, I’m sorry, my darling. There! don’t worry. I understand. Don’t cry. Listen: it’s like this, isn’t it? You’re not happy here any more. You’re restless. And you’ve been—been living too hard and you’re worn out. So you want to get away from all the people you’ve been with—all the ones you associate with feeling ill and awful—you want to start afresh, somewhere quite new. Isn’t that it?’
‘Partly,’ whispered Jennifer.
‘Things have all gone wrong lately. And I’m involved, aren’t I? It’s really about me that things have gone wrong. I don’t know why—but I know it is so. So you really can’t bear to see me any more.’
‘Oh, Judith!’ She hid her face. ‘It sounds so terrible when you say it like that: “Can’t bear to see me any more”.... Oh!’