The sad story—one of many I had heard, touched me deeply. But I could offer no consolation, such wounds as his were too deep to be reached by words. All I could do was to change the current of sad thoughts and extend the meagre hospitalities of the camp. Then the ride to the field hospital, the interview with the once bright, happy boy I had seen seven years before, now with the seal of death implanted upon his beautiful, honest and manly face, then to headquarters, the handing over of his discharge, and then the parting, with heavy heart, from one whose burden of sorrow I had been able to lighten.
Opportunities to do these acts of kindness for those kindred of the fallen, whose hearts were overburdened with mighty sorrows, were about the only rays of sunshine which ever invaded the tent life of those whose responsibilities were often more burdensome than the sorrows of others, which they were so often called upon to assuage.
In the summer of 1865, during another visit to my native town, a longing came over me to revisit the scene of the accident to the oats, and I searched in vain for two companions to take the places of those of twelve years before. But, so far as I could ascertain, there was not a known saddle horse in the county, and the race of nobody’s dogs had gone quite out of fashion; so I was compelled to adopt the “buggy,” and, along with it, between its “fills,” a lively and “spunky” little specimen of a Vermont Morgan, that learned after the first hours of driving that there was a kind friend holding the reins, and with whom, from that moment, cordial relations were established. A very easy drive carried me to the “old home,” about noon of the second day, and, as I drove up to the door, a kindly faced, frank-mannered woman of middle age came out of the house, and asked me to alight, hitch, and walk in. As I entered I asked where they all were? “Who do you mean by all?” queried my hostess. I answered, “The C——s who lived here twelve years ago.”
She took me to an open window, and, pointing to the top of a “Meeting House” spire that came just above the point of a rise in the ground, said: “Just at the bottom of that steeple you’ll find them all, save my uncle C——, the grandfather of the boys; they are all buried there, and, if you want to renew your acquaintance with them, you’ll have to go over there to do it. I’m the old maid of the whole family, and taught school until I came here right after Cousin George’s death—he was the last of the four—to take care of uncle, who was awfully broken up, and is to this day. I guess nothing but death will ever mend his broken heart. He wanders about with no object in life, always wishing for the end to come. He’s out in the fields somewhere; he will be here pretty soon and awful glad to see you. It seems to me he only cares now for those who knew the four who lie buried over there. He lives in the past altogether, and takes no interest in the present or future.”
A walk of five minutes through a meadow to a group of maples brought me to the spot where I found, reclining beneath the shades, my acquaintance of other days. At first he did not recognize me, and was a little offish, but gradually became interested, and at last came to me with both hands extended and with eyes filled with tears:
“I didn’t know ye at first, but I oughter have known that voice anywhere. Your animals scart the drove into the oats, but you were so good to us afterward. If it hadn’t been for you, ‘Vin’ would have died in that ere hospital, for he didn’t live long after we got him home. Oh, he was sich a comfort to us while he did live. I shall never forgit the last days; and may God spare me from ever goin’ through any more like ’em.”
While we were walking toward the house, I learned that Vincent, the youngest boy, lived five weeks after he was brought home; that the father died the next autumn, and, although nearly three years had passed since the culmination of the “Great Sorrow,” the atmosphere seemed impregnated with it. The want of signs of life and movement without, and the evidence of long continued quiet and order within, told as plainly as words the story of an all-absorbing grief.
During the dinner, the incidents of the oats, the conversation with “Vin” about the steeple, his desire to trade for the “Kaliker” horse, and all that was said upon the occasion of our first meeting, was rehearsed, without a single item being omitted. The meal finished, there came the walk to the “Meeting House Burying Ground,” where I saw the seven simple headstones standing for four generations. The first to Mary Gale, wife of G. C.; the second to “George C., a soldier of the Revolutionary War, born at Old Middlebury, Mass., June 12, 1756, died in this town, March 7, 1833;” next to him came his daughter-in-law; then a vacant space for his son—the second George, and then the graves of the other four of the third and fourth generation.
I have seen men stand in such a presence without being moved, but I could never quite understand how they did it. Upon this occasion something got into my throat, and I could not speak; something else filled both eyes, and I had to turn away to conceal a weakness which I could not control.
As I turned toward my companions, the elder, pointing to the line exclaimed; “Pretty soon there’ll be four generations of Georges in this lot, and that’s about all there is to it, I guess. There couldn’t be any design in takin’ all of ’em from me in so short a time. A merciful God wouldn’t have done such a cruel thing; if a kind God had had anything to do with it, he would let some of ’em outlive me to have been a comfort in my old age and to have kept the old place where we were all born in the family name. No, I don’t b’leve in sich kindness; all of ’em ought to have lived; they were jest as good as they could be, not one of ’em ever told a lie or did a mean thing as long as they lived. Then if they were so good, as they were, and nobody can dispute it, why were they all taken away from me so soon, and so many mean critters, good for nothing to nobody, allowed to live? No, the ministers may talk to me from now to the end of eternity, that their God, if he really does sich cruelties, is merciful, and I won’t b’leve ’em. It’s all nonsense to murder a man alive and break his old heart and call it merciful and all for the best. There is no mercy or best about it, it’s all wrong from beginnin’ to end, and I don’t b’leve the heathen’s god or anybody’s God could be so cruel and unjust.