“By givin the whole country a good, sound administration. By poerin’ ile upon the troubled waturs, North and South. By pursooin’ a patriotic, firm, and just course, and then if any State wants to secede, let ’em Sesesh!”
“How ’bout my Cabinit, Mister Ward?” sed Abe.
“Fill it up with Showmen, sir! Showmen, is devoid of politics. They hain’t got any principles. They know how to cater for the public. They know what the public wants, North & South. Showmen, sir, is honest men. Ef you doubt their literary ability, look at their posters, and see small bills! Ef you want a Cabinit as is a Cabinit fill it up with showmen, but don’t call on me. The moral wax figger perfeshun mustn’t be permitted to go down while there’s a drop of blood in these vains! A. Linkin, I wish you well! Ef Powers or Walcutt wus to pick out a model for a beautiful man, I scarcely think they’d sculp you; but ef you do the fair thing by your country you’ll make as putty a angel as any of us! A. Linkin, use the talents which Nature has put into you judishusly and firmly, and all will be well! A. Linkin, adoo!”
He shook me cordyully by the hand—we exchanged picters, so we could gaze upon each others’ liniments, when far away from one another—he at the hellum of the ship of State, and I at the hellum of the show bizniss—admittance only 15 cents.
Chapter IV: Some Lincoln Anecdotes
Let us now get back to that room in the White House again. After Lincoln had finished reading from Ward’s book we talked about the author.
The two stories long accredited to Ward at which Mr. Lincoln laughed most heartily that day included the anecdote of the gray-haired lover who hoped to win a young wife and who, when asked by a neighbor how he was progressing with his suit, answered, with enthusiasm, “All right.”
When the neighbor then asked, “Has she called you ‘Honey’ yet?” the old man answered, “Well, not exactly that, but she called me the next thing to it. She has called me ‘Old Beeswax’!”