At last she decided on her message. "You may give Miss Lawton my best respects, and say I am very sorry to hear she is ill, and I do wish her better."
Mrs. Crook could say this much truthfully. She did respect Miss Lawton. She was more sorry to hear of her illness than she could have believed possible; and she even concluded that she should be willing to give something out of her own pocket, if by so doing she could insure the fulfilment of her wish for the young lady's recovery.
Before Fanny was well out of sight, Mrs. Crook was wishing she had sent her love to Miss Lawton, instead of her best respects. Her thoughts were so fully occupied by the sick girl, that she could not settle to work of any kind. She usually spent her evenings at her knitting, because it did not try her eyes.
One of Mrs. Crook's great subjects of comfort was her excellent sight, and she strove to preserve it. However, she could not endure to sit still, and she walked up and down the room, whilst comparing Miss Lawton's position with her own.
"Only two-and-twenty," said she to herself. "I have lived more than twice as long. Eight years more and I should be three times Miss Lawton's present age. How curious that I have just been reckoning that I ought to live at least two-and-twenty years, for I am only in my prime as yet!
"Fanny says that Miss Lawton is quite ready to die, if it should be God's will, and, though she is so young, she neither grieves nor is frightened at the prospect; whilst I—"
Mrs. Crook stopped and shivered perceptibly. Conscience told her that the very thought of death filled her with terror now, and that during her fifty-eight years of life she had always tried to put it away from her mind. If she were even to live twenty-two years more, would she be better prepared to die than at this moment? She had certainly not made up her mind to begin any preparation; and though, on the whole, Mrs. Crook was well satisfied with herself, she could not say that she needed none. The very best people reckoned that something had to be done, and she had certainly never quite understood what the something was.
There was another thought suggested by Fanny's words. The girl had said so many people would grieve to lose Miss Lawton, though she was not sorry at the prospect of death.
Mrs. Crook thought it was most desirable that there should be a fair amount of weeping at a funeral. There was something respectable in being very much lamented. To have it said that "nobody shed a tear," was almost a certificate of bad character with regard to the departed. And yet, when she began to reckon up her own acquaintances, she could not think of anybody who was likely to shed many tears at her funeral, whenever it might take place.
A further self-examination, and Mrs. Crook was fain to confess that she had done nothing to call for any.