All poor Adam's patience and long-suffering, his unselfishness, his loving ways with his little ones, his steady industry, his perfect confidence in and true affection for herself, his silence under provocation, or the soft answers which always seemed most natural to him, where many a man under similar circumstances would have replied with an oath and a blow—all these things came before her mind's eye on one side.
And on the other what did she see?
Ah, she could hardly bear to look. She got a view of herself, such as all her previous experiences had never given her. All her own sharp, impatient ways and words, her want of sympathy with her husband's joy, her unwillingness to listen when he would fain have poured out his very heart-longings for her to understand, if such might be. Her worritting ways, her finding fault with the course which Adam had chosen, and at which many another wife would have rejoiced with a full heart.
These things Margaret saw, and she clasped her hands in utter misery, as she thought of his "good-bye" that very morning, when he lingered for a word or look from her, and she gave him neither. Oh, if she could have him back! If he had only been hurt, not killed, how she would have worked for him in turn, and never grumbled, be the toil ever so hard, the hours ever so long.
What was now the value of the fortune of which she had been so proud? How gladly would she have given up every penny, just for the chance of saying, "Forgive me, Adam. I'm sorry for my contradictious ways and cross words. Say you forgive me, and put your kind arm round my neck once more, whilst we have just one farewell kiss."
These thoughts did not take long to pass through Mrs. Livesey's mind, and during the time she was moving about in a mechanical way and preparing to go, she scarce knew whither, in search of what was left of the husband who had gone from her in health and strength so short a time before.
As she approached the outer door, she heard a step drawing near it, and, looking up, she saw old Richard Evans, with a face full of mingled sorrow and sympathy, coming towards her.
[CHAPTER XXI.]
A GLEAM OF HOPE.
MR. DRUMMOND had sent Richard Evans to break the bad news of the accident to Mrs. Livesey, whilst he accompanied Adam to the hospital.