The Old Butler.
I believe that, were we lords of creation to have earlet holes communicating with our lady's bowers, as in the middle ages the ladies of creation had openings into their lords' halls, we would hear that much of their conversation turned on the restlessness and misdemeanours of their female servants. I do not mean for a moment to deny or excuse these defects, but to explain the cause of the restlessness complained of. Polly is out of a situation, she can neither boil a potato properly nor cook a mutton-chop. She advertises in the local paper for a situation as cook, from her parents' cottage, where the whole family pig in one room. The post arrives next morning with forty or fifty answers from ladies asking, pleading for her services. Half an hour later up drives a squire's carriage with coach and footman on the box, then the humble pony carriage of the rector, next the jingle of a maiden lady who lives two miles off. All day long carriages of every description are staying at the door, and ladies are visiting, entreating for the services of Polly. Polly spreads the forty or fifty letters she has received on the table.
1. "Is there a kitchen-maid kept?" "No." "Then I won't go to you."
2. "What wages?" "Twenty pounds." "I take nothing under twenty-eight, and all found."
3. "Any men-servants?" "A butler." "Married or single?" "Married—wife lives out." "I can go nowhere where there are not one or two unmarried and agreeable footmen."
4. "You want a character, ma'am? Very sorry—if you doubts my respectability we shan't agree."
5. "How many in family?" "Thirteen." "No good. I go nowhere but to a single gentleman who waits on himself, and cooks his own dinner."