Good Form and Christian Etiquette

by S. M. I. Henry

As a hostess, do not overload your guest with attention. Nothing is more wearisome than to be compelled to ward off continual intrusive efforts to make you happy and comfortable as a guest. See that all necessary provision is made for your guest before arrival, that water for drinking and bathing, with glasses and towels, are in her room in readiness. Take your guest at once to the room appointed without stopping for introductions or greetings; inquire if anything further is needed; state the hour of meals, and any other regulations which must in any manner concern a transient member of your household; arrange to return in a half-hour to lead the way to the family room for greetings and introductions, and then withdraw, leaving the coast clear for such attention to personal comfort as is always needed even after a short journey.

There may be degrees of intimacy that would seem to naturally modify these good-form requirements, but it would be perfectly safe to hold yourself to them, even if the guest were your own mother, sister, or brother. If your guest is to make a long visit, everything like effort to secure his comfort should be kept out of sight. In fact, all arrangements should be made so as to make the visit a pleasure to all concerned; and this can only be done by taking him into the home life, and going on just the same in everything as if you were alone as a family.

An invitation to a friend to visit you should be for a definite time, and should not upon any account be extended unless you heartily desire it. Not a word or hint should be dropped out of so-called politeness, which, if taken literally, would stay his departure one hour after the time limit has been reached. The sort of hypocrisy that would say, “O don’t hurry off just yet,” when you feel in your heart that you can not conveniently have the visit prolonged, is very bad form, indeed, and a grievous wrong to your friend.

As a guest, one should at once fall into the regular order of the family life as nearly as it is possible to do so, avoiding everything that would add to labor for hostess or servants.

A guest should give no orders to children or servants. All requests should be made of host or hostess, and left for them to pass on as they shall see fit. Good form requires that the guest shall be blind and deaf to any unpleasant episodes that may occur, taking no part in any disputes from the children up, and that at any moment when his presence could prove an embarrassment, he will find it necessary to retire to his room, take a stroll in the wood or field, or a “day off” in town; and then when the time limit for which his visit was planned has been reached, he will take his departure, no matter how warmly he may be urged “not to hurry.”

Give neither money nor eatables to the children. Make no plans which include them without first consulting host and hostess. In fact, the guest should propose nothing, plan nothing. This should all be left to host and hostess. He should make of his presence a pleasure to all, which will leave nothing more to be desired. Let him find his place in the domestic economy for the time being, and fill it in just as helpful a manner as possible, remembering that here it is as true as it can be anywhere in the world, that he who abases himself shall be exalted, and he who seeks the most for others, finds the most for himself.

XIV.

For public teachers, and especially those who are in preparation for such work, this little book has a special message. The world will not suffer long nor be kind to any exponent of truth who offends in platform etiquette, or in home courtesy. Accordingly, I would urge my young fellow laborers to eschew everything in manner which could produce dislike or disgust in the most critical, for that most critical may be the very soul to whom you are sent.

As brethren in council together, cultivate only those things that can be used anywhere in an uncharitable world. Do not allow anything to become habitual that will call attention to any part of the body or clothing. Never finger the watch guard, coat buttons, nor the features of the face. Unfortunate practices of this nature have nullified the effect of many a sermon. Many a young man has made a farce of his testimony for Christ because he stood twirling his mustache; and many a Sabbath-school teacher has failed to hold her pupils to the truth because her hat was filled with nodding plumes, flowers, or an elaborate tangle of ribbon.

Good form insists that any Sabbath display is vulgar, so that the woman of genuine social position will leave the elaborate church toilet to her servants, while she goes in the plainest of modest apparel to the house of God.