Without particularizing the tedious forms of official etiquette, it will be sufficient to describe what is generally required in good society. Military men pay visits on horseback; civilians and others go in sedans or carts; to walk is not common. Visiting cards are made of vermilioned paper cut into slips about eight inches long and three wide, and are single or folded four, six, eight, or more times, according to the position of the visitor. If he is in recent mourning, the paper is white and the name written in blue ink, but after a stated time this is indicated by an additional character. The simple name is stamped on the upper right corner, or if written on the lower corner, with an addition thus, “Your humble servant (lit., ‘stupid younger brother’) Pí Chí-wăn bows his head in salutation.” On approaching the house his attendant hands a card to the doorkeeper, and if he cannot be received, instead of saying “not at home,” the host sends out to “stay the gentleman’s approach,” and the card is left. If contrariwise the sedan is carried through the doorway into the court, where he comes forth to receive his guest; as the latter steps out each one advances just so far, bowing just so many times, and going through the ceremonies which they mutually understand and expect, until both have taken their seats at the head of the hall, the guest sitting on the left of the host, and his companions, if he have any, in the chairs on each side. The inquiries made after the mutual welfare of friends and each other are couched in a form of studied laudation and depreciation, which when literally translated seem somewhat affected, but to them convey no more than similar civilities do among ourselves—in truth, perhaps not so much of sincere good-will. For instance, to the remark, “It is a long time since we have met, sir,” the host replies (literally), “How presume to receive the trouble of your honorable footsteps; is the person in the chariot well?”—which is simply equivalent to, “I am much obliged for your visit, and hope you enjoy good health.”
Tea and pipes are always presented, together with betel-nut or sweetmeats on some occasions, but it is not, as among the Turks, considered disrespectful to refuse them, though it would be looked upon as singular. If the guest inquire after the health of relatives he should commence with the oldest living, and then ask how many sons the host has; but it is not considered good breeding for a formal acquaintance to make any remarks respecting the mistress of the house. If the sons of the host are at home they are generally sent for, and make their obeisance to their father’s friend by coming up before him and performing the kotow as rapidly as possible, each one making haste, as if he did not wish to delay him. The guest raises them with a slight bow, and the lads stand facing him at a respectful distance. He will then remark, perhaps, if one of them happen to be at his studies, that “the boy will perpetuate the literary reputation of his family” (lit., ‘he will fully carry on the fragrance of the books’); to which his father rejoins, “The reputation of our family is not great (lit., ‘hills and fields’ happiness is thin’); high expectations are not to be entertained of him; if he can only gain a livelihood it will be enough.” After a few such compliments the boys say shao pei, ‘slightly waiting on you,’ i.e., pray excuse us, and retire. Girls are seldom brought in, and young ladies never.
FORMALITIES OF ADDRESS AND GREETING.
The periphrases employed to denote persons and thus avoid speaking their names in a measure indicate the estimation in which they are held. For instance, “Does the honorable great man enjoy happiness?” means “Is your father well?” “Distinguished and aged one what honorable age?” is the mode of asking how old he is; for among the Chinese, as it seems to have been among the Egyptians, it is polite to ask the names and ages of all ranks and sexes. “The old man of the house,” “excellent honorable one,” and “venerable great prince,” are terms used by a visitor to designate the father of his host. A child terms his father “family’s majesty,” “old man of the family,” “prince of the family,” or “venerable father.” When dead a father is called “former prince,” and a mother “venerable great one in repose;” and there are particular characters to distinguish deceased parents from living. The request, “Make my respects to your mother”—for no Chinese gentleman ever asks to see the ladies—is literally, “Excellent-longevity hall place in my behalf wish repose,” the first two words denoting she who remains there. Care should be taken not to use the same expressions when speaking of the relatives of the guest and one’s own; thus, in asking, “How many worthy young gentlemen [sons] have you?” the host replies, “I am unfortunate in having had but one boy,” literally, “My fate is niggardly; I have only one little bug.” This runs through their whole Chesterfieldian code. A man calls his wife tsien nui, i.e., ‘the mean one of the inner apartments,’ or ‘the foolish one of the family;’ while another speaking of her calls her “the honorable lady,” “worthy lady,” “your favored one,” etc.
Something of this is found in all oriental languages; to become familiar with the right application of these terms in Chinese, as elsewhere in the east, is no easy lesson for a foreigner. In their salutations of ceremony they do not, however, quite equal the Arabs, with their kissing, bowing, touching foreheads, stroking beards, and repeated motions of obeisance. The Chinese seldom embrace or touch each other, except on unusual occasions of joy or among family friends; in fact, they have hardly a common word for a kiss. When the visitor rises to depart he remarks, “Another day I will come to receive your instructions;” to which his friend replies, “You do me too much honor; I rather ought to wait on you to-morrow.” The common form of salutation among equals is for each to clasp his own hands before his breast and make a slight bow, saying, Tsing! Tsing! i.e., ‘Hail! Hail!’ This is repeated by both at the same time, on meeting as well as separating.[378] The formalities of leave-taking correspond to those of receiving, but if the parties are equal, or nearly so, the host sees his friend quite to the door and into his sedan.
Officers avoid meeting each other, especially in public, except when etiquette requires them. An officer of low rank is obliged to stop his chair or horse, and on his feet to salute his superior, who receives and returns the civility without moving. Those of equal grades leave their places and go through a mock struggle of deference to get each first to return to it. The common people never presume to salute an officer in the streets, nor even to look at him very carefully. In his presence, they speak to him on their knees, but an old man, or one of consideration, is usually requested to rise when speaking, and even criminals with gray hairs are treated with respect. Officers do not allow their inferiors to sit in their presence, and have always been unwilling to concede this to foreigners; those of the lowest rank consider themselves far above the best of such visitors, but this affectation of rank is already passing away. The converse, of not paying them proper respect, is more common among a certain class of foreigners.
Children are early taught the forms of politeness toward all ranks. The duties owed by younger to elder brothers are peculiar, the firstborn having a sort of birthright in the ancestral worship, in the division of property, and in the direction of the family after the father’s decease. The degree of formality in the domestic circle inculcated in the ancient Book of Rites is never observed to its full extent, and would perhaps chill the affection which should exist among its members, did not habit render it easy and proper; and the extent to which it is actually carried depends a good deal upon the education of the family. In forwarding presents it is customary to send a list with the note, and if the person deems it proper to decline some of them, he marks on the list those he takes and returns the rest; a douceur is always expected by the bearer, and needy fellows sometimes pretend to have been sent with some insignificant present from a grandee in hopes of receiving more than its equivalent as a cumshaw from the person thus honored. De Guignes mentioned one donor who waited until the list came back, and then sent out and purchased the articles which had been marked and sent them to his friend.
CUSTOMS AT DINNER.
Travellers have so often described the Chinese formal dinners, that they have almost become one of their national traits in the view of foreigners; so many of these banquets, however, were given by or in the name of the sovereign, that they are hardly a fair criterion of usual private feasts. The Chinese are both a social and a sensual people, and the pleasures of the table form a principal item in the list of their enjoyments; nor are the higher delights of mental recreation altogether wanting, though this part of the entertainment is according to their taste and not ours. Private meals and public feasts among the higher classes are both dull and long to us, because ladies do not participate; but perhaps we judge more what our own tables would be without their cheerful presence, while in China each sex is of the opinion that the meal is more enjoyable without interference from the other.
An invitation to dinner is written on a slip of red paper like a visiting-card, and sent some days before. It reads, “On the — day a trifling entertainment will await the light of your countenance. Tsau San-wei’s compliments.” Another card is sent on the day itself, stating the hour of dinner, or a servant comes to call the guests. The host, dressed in his cap and robes, awaits their arrival, and after they are all assembled, requests them to follow his example and lay aside their dresses of ceremony. The usual way of arranging guests is by twos on each side of small uncovered tables, placed in lines; an arrangement as convenient for serving the numerous courses which compose the feast, and removing the dishes, as was the Roman fashion of reclining around a hollow table; it also allows a fair view of the musical or theatrical performances. On some occasions, in the sunny south, however, a single long or round table is laid out in a tasteful manner, having pyramids of cakes alternating with piles of fruits and dishes of preserves, all covered more or less with flowers, while the table itself is partly hidden from view by nosegays and leaves. If the party be large, ten minutes or more are consumed by the host and guests going through a tedious repetition of requests and refusals to take the highest seats, for not a man will sit down until he sees the host occupying his chair.