SUFFERING[88]
The cross has accompanied me from the cradle; but then, Jesus has made me love it passionately.
IX LETTER TO HER MISSIONARY “BROTHERS”
One day my sister Marie, speaking of suffering, said that instead of making me walk by that way, the good God would no doubt carry me always like a little child. These words recurred to me after Holy Communion on the following day, and my heart was fired with an ardent desire of suffering. I felt too an inward assurance, that crosses in great number were in reserve for me. Then my soul was inundated with consolations such as I have never had again in all my life. Suffering became my attraction, in it I found charms that entranced me.
Another great desire that I felt, was to love but God alone and to find no joy save only in Him. Often during my thanksgiving after Holy Communion I used to repeat this passage from the Imitation: “O Jesus, who art ineffable sweetness, turn for me into bitterness all the consolations of earth.”[89] These words came from my lips without effort; I uttered them like a child who repeats without too well understanding, words prompted by a friend.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. IV
Suffering has held out its arms to me from my very entrance into Carmel and lovingly have I embraced it. My intention in coming here, I declared in the solemn examination which preceded my profession: I am come in order to save souls, and especially to pray for Priests. When we want to attain an end we must employ the means, and Jesus having made me understand that He would give me souls by means of the cross, the more crosses I met with the more my attraction to suffering increased. During five years this way was mine; but I alone knew it. Here was just the hidden flower that I wanted to offer to Jesus, this flower which exhaled its fragrance for Heaven alone.
HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. VII
For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more for ever.
I LETTER TO MÈRE AGNÈS DE JÉSUS