Annecy, 1614.
I write because I cannot refrain from doing so; for this morning I am more wearisome to myself than usual. My interior state is so gravely defective that, in anguish of spirit, I see myself giving way on every side. Assuredly, my good Father, I am almost overwhelmed by this abyss of misery. The presence of God, which was formerly such a delight to me, now makes me tremble all over and shudder with fear. I bethink myself that the divine eye of Him whom I adore, with entire submission, pierces right through my soul looking with indignation upon all my thoughts, words and works. Death itself, it seems to me, would be less painful to bear than the distress of mind which this occasions, and I feel as if all things had power to harm me. I am afraid of everything; I live in dread, not because of harm to myself, but because I fear to displease God. Oh, how far away His help seems! thinking of this I spent last night in great bitterness and could utter no other words than these, "My God, my God, alas! why hast Thou forsaken me." At daybreak God gave me a little light in the highest part of my soul, yet only there; but it was almost imperceptible; nor did the rest of my soul and its faculties share the enjoyment, which lasted only about the time of half a Hail Mary, then, trouble rushed back upon me with a mighty force, and all was darkness. Notwithstanding the weariness of this dereliction, I said, though in utter dryness, "Do, Lord, whatever is pleasing to Thee, I wish it. Annihilate me, I am content. Overwhelm me, I most sincerely desire it. Tear out, cut, burn, do just as Thou pleasest, I am Thine." God has shown me that He does not make much account of faith that comes of sentiment and emotions. This is why, though against my inclination, I never wish for sensible devotion. I do not desire it. God is enough for me. Notwithstanding my absolute misery I hope in Him, and I trust He will continue to support me so that His will may be accomplished in me. Take my feeble heart into your hands, my true Father and Lord, and do what you see to be wisest with it.
VII.
To the Sisters of the Monastery of the Visitation of Annecy.
Vive ✠ Jésus!
Lyons,
16th February, 1615.
Excuse me, I beg of you, my dearest and very good Sisters, if I do not answer you each one separately, which indeed the kindness you have shown me deserves that I should do, and my affection for you would desire: but neither head nor leisure permit it, and besides, God be thanked for it, I see no necessity to write to any one in particular. Persevere in your good desires and every day become more faithful to the observance of your holy Rules and love them better. This alone, believe me, should be your sole care. Cast not a look upon anything else and be assured that you will walk upon the right road and will make a good and prosperous voyage. May God in His infinite mercy be with you and bless you so that you may perfectly accomplish His holy will. With all my heart I desire this, for I love you all, and each one individually, with the greatest possible affection, far beyond what you could imagine. This I tell you all, not forgetting those who have not written to me. God bless you, my very dear daughters. May He be your sole love and desire. Pray, I beseech you, for the needs of your poor Mother, who is very affectionately
Your most humble and unworthy servant in our Lord.