The Autobiography of St. Ignatius

by Saint of Loyola Ignatius

While being conducted through the different streets, it occurred to him that it would be well to depart somewhat from his ordinary custom, and to show greater respect to the commander of the place. Such a thought was by no means the outcome of the fear of any punishment which they might inflict. He felt, however, that this was a temptation; he said, "In that case I'll neither address him as a person of dignity, nor bend the knee as a mark of respect, nor even remove my hat in his presence."

Having reached the residence of the commander, he was made to wait some time in the courtyard before being summoned into his presence. Then, without manifesting the slightest degree of civility, he so paused after each word he spoke as to be taken for a fool by the commander, who said to his captors, "This man is an idiot; restore what belongs to him and send him away."

A certain Spaniard met Ignatius coming from the house of the commander, led him home, just as he was, and gave him food and whatever was necessary for that night.

The next morning he resumed his journey until toward evening, when, espied by the soldiers of a fort, he was seized and brought to the commander of the French forces. The latter, among other things, asked where he came from. When Ignatius answered, "Guipuscoa," the officer said, "I also come from near that place;" and immediately he ordered Ignatius to be conducted within to supper and to be treated with great kindness.

At Genoa, he was recognized by a Cantabrian, who had spoken with him elsewhere, when in the army of his Catholic Majesty. Through his influence, he was taken on a ship bound for Barcelona. He came very near being taken captive by Andrea Dorea, who was at that time in the service of the French, and gave chase to the vessel.

At Barcelona, he was enabled to study through the assistance of a noble and very pious lady, Isabel Roser, and a teacher, named Ardebal. Both highly approved his plan, Ardebal promising to give him instruction free, while Isabel generously offered to provide him with everything necessary.

At Manresa, there was a very holy monk, of the Order of St. Bernard, with whom Ignatius wished to remain, as well for his own personal guidance as to prepare himself to direct others. He accordingly accepted the offer of his two generous friends on condition that what he sought could not be obtained at Manresa. Finding, however, that the monk had died, he returned to Barcelona and applied himself to study. In this, however, he was destined to meet with some difficulties. In his studies, the principles of grammar caused new spiritual thoughts and tastes to arise so abundantly, as to render him incapable of committing anything to memory, and though he strove hard, he could not dispel these thoughts.

Noticing, however, that while praying at Mass he did not experience similar thoughts, he considered this a temptation. Accordingly, after praying for some time, he asked his teacher to come to the Church of Blessed Mary of the Sea, not far from the professor's house, and there to listen to what he would tell him. Ignatius faithfully made known the whole state of his mind, and why he had as yet learned so little. "But," he said, "I promise not to be wanting in attention in school during these two years, provided that at Barcelona I may be able to find bread and water."

Such an acknowledgment was of the greatest efficacy, and he never after experienced that temptation. The pains of the stomach, which afflicted him at Manresa, ceased, and, in fact, they did not trouble him from the time he set out for Jerusalem.

While studying at Barcelona, he wished to practise his former penances. Accordingly, making a hole in the soles of his shoes, he tore them, little by little, until nothing but the upper portion was left.