IN WHICH EDWARD LEE AND WALTER GO ON THE
WARPATH BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT
ELSE TO DO, AND ON ACCOUNT OF THEM JOHN
AND MARTHA MARY MISS HEARING THE MELODRAMA
Edward Lee and Walter were on the warpath. The warpath leads through the orchard to the power-house where the big engine pumps water that irrigates all the farmland, even to Levy’s place. The cause of the two warriors’ fighting mood was this; they were bored with Life; bored with lessons, and bored through and through with the stories of fairies and other silliness that Flip always told. So, they went on the warpath, armed with all the clothes-line they could find in the laundry, and two wooden swords. The first victim, luckily for them, was John. He was seated on a wheelbarrow outside of the power-house, trying to smoke dried magnolia leaves. This made him feel cold and wobbly and not at all in fighting trim. So it was a simple matter for Edward Lee and Walter to jump on him from the rear, tie him in approved warrior fashion, gag him with a handkerchief, and lead him into the power-house. There they held a council of war; John was convicted of innumerable offences, including kissing Uncle Mick, and condemned to spend the afternoon in confinement, tied to the power engine. He struggled manfully when they tied him to his post, but it was no use; the magnolia leaf smoke had made him too sick to fight, and in short order he was a helpless, speechless prisoner. Then the warriors planned the strategic stroke that would trap Martha Mary. Up the warpath the two men marched boldly and to the door of Martha Mary’s sun-room. She was seated on a small trunk, painting red violets all over a cake-plate.
“Madame,” said Walter, “we have been sent by the King to bring you into his presence. You are to come at once, but you must be gagged and blindfolded because you mustn’t see the way to the Royal Palace. Are you ready?”
Of course Martha Mary knew that John was the king, and she was flattered that he had sent for her. So she allowed herself to be bound and gagged and blindfolded and led down the warpath. She knew all the time where she was going, because the power-house always was the Palace. But she didn’t know what was going to happen, so you can imagine her surprise when she found herself tied to the wall and then tried and convicted of crying at Flip’s last story and condemned to spend the afternoon, just like John, in solitary confinement. She didn’t know John was there already, and he could not tell her because he was gagged. So the warriors tied her to the wall next to John and then locked the power-house door and went off to find Flip. He was busy making a new bridle for Peggy, the Shetland pony, and as he did not work with his mouth the warriors knew that he would have no excuse for not telling a story. They jumped on his back when he didn’t expect it and refused to get off until he had agreed to tell them a tale that had no women or fairies in it at all. Flip agreed but first he rolled Walter and Edward Lee off his back and on to the floor to prove to them that he wasn’t beaten.
This is the story he told them, and although there is one woman in it, if the girl listeners do not like it they don’t have to listen because it is not intended for them anyhow.
“‘Doughnuts and Crullers,’ swore the pirate chief as he wiped a quantity of blood off his throat-ripper on to his red sleeve. ‘Doughnuts and Crullers! I have an idea!’
“‘Yoho, yoho,’ shouted all the pirate band gathered about. ‘The Chief has an idea.’
“‘A marvel-l-lous idea,’ quoth the Chief.
“‘Marvelous,’ shouted the band.