“‘Die,’ roared the band.
“‘Die,’ said Ike.
“Mr. Blue Murder Smith was delighted with the idea. He sent his men out to find three prisoners and they rode miles across the mountains until they came to the stage road. Down the road came a coach drawn by six huge horses. Ike, who was leading the assaulting party, hid in the bushes with his men until the coach came by; then they sprang out and Ike put his ten-inch gun to the driver’s head while the gang held the horses. Then Shivering Sam threw open the door of the coach and commanded the people in it to come out. There were exactly three. The first was a traveling man who sold underwear when business was good. He got out, moaning and praying for them not to take his samples. The next was a handsome officer with gold braid on his uniform and a bold look in his eye. And the third was the loveliest, most golden-haired girl you have ever seen. The pirates tied them together and drove them back to the camp, leaving the coach-driver bound to a tree. For all I know he may still be there. They came into camp and Blue Murder Smith arose, twisted his mustache and greeted his prisoners. His orders were that they be fastened to stakes and then given a chance to tell the three ideas. The traveling salesman was the only one who struggled; he had an appointment with a customer at seven o’clock and he knew his firm would be furious if he didn’t keep it. So they gave him the first chance to tell an idea. After much thought, this is what he said:
“‘I am supposed to be in the next town to-night to sell a carload of underwear—W. & W. quality, selling at fifty per cent. off, I recommend that you gentlemen use it. If I don’t get there my firm will be in danger of losing a good customer and I of losing my position. So you let me go ahead and I’ll sell my bill and get the money for it; then I’ll take the stage back to-morrow, you can hold us up again and take the money away from me and then let me go. As long as I don’t lose the customer the firm won’t be so angry that the money was stolen.’
“‘Bah!’ sneered Shivering Sam. ‘That is a poor idea. We’ll send to your customer and take the money away from him and keep you, too, and probably roast you. And we’ll make new flags for our fleet out of the underwear if it is red.’
“‘Right-O!’ said Mr. Blue Murder Smith. ‘Now let’s hear the soldier’s idea.’
“They tied the salesman up again and dragged the soldier out and got his lovely uniform all mussed. As they pulled him he clutched the fingers of the golden-haired girl and kissed them, and she looked so sad that tears came into the single pink eye of Red Blood Ike. But he was a pirate’s son and had to be hard of heart.
“The soldier looked very frightened. He bowed politely to the pirate band and told his idea and it was even worse than the salesman’s plan.
“He wanted the pirates to let him go if he would sing them a song. Now, you know they were musical pirates and liked music, so they were inclined to accept his offer. But when he began to sing in a heart-breaking tone, ‘Darling, I am growing old, Silver threads amongst the gold,’ they all began to hoot and shriek to drown his simply awful voice. Then they led him away without further words.
“Mr. Blue Murder Smith smacked his lips and shouted, ‘Doughnuts and Crullers! Have out the woman!’