He TRULLA lov'd; TRULLA, more bright 365
Than burnish'd armour of her Knight:
A bold virago, stout and tall,
As <d> JOAN of FRANCE, or English MALL.
Thro' perils both of wind and limb,
Thro' thick and thin, she follow'd him, 370
In ev'ry adventure h' undertook,
And never him or it forsook.
At breach of wall, or hedge surprize,
She shar'd i' th' hazard and the prize:
At beating quarters up, or forage, 375
Behav'd herself with matchless courage;
And laid about in fight more busily
Than the <e> Amazonian dame Penthesile.
And though some criticks here cry shame,
And say our authors are to blame, 380
That (spite of all philosophers,
Who hold no females stout, but bears;
And heretofore did so abhor
That women should pretend to war,
'They wou'd not suffer the stoutest dame 385
To swear <f> by HERCULES'S name)
Make feeble ladies, in their works,
To fight like termagants and Turks;
To lay their native arms aside,
Their modesty, and ride astride; 390
To run a-tilt at men, and wield
Their naked tools in open field;
As stout <g> ARMIDA, bold TRALESTRIS,
And she that wou'd have been the mistress
Of <h> GUNDIBERT; but he had grace, 395
And rather took a country lass;
They say, 'tis false, without all sense,
But of pernicious consequence
To government, which they suppose
Can never be upheld in prose; 400
Strip nature naked to the skin,
You'll find about her no such thing.
It may be so; yet what we tell
Of TRULLA that's improbable,
Shall be depos'd by those who've seen't, 405
Or, what's as good, produc'd in print:
And if they will not take our word,
We'll prove it true upon record.
The upright CERDON next advanc't,
Of all his race the valiant'st: 410
CERDON the Great, renown'd in song,
Like HERC'LES, for repair of wrong:
He rais'd the low, and fortify'd
The weak against the strongest side:
Ill has he read, that never hit 415
On him in Muses' deathless writ.
He had a weapon keen and fierce,
That through a bull-hide shield wou'd pierce,
And cut it in a thousand pieces, 420
Tho' tougher than the Knight of Greece his,
With whom his black-thumb'd ancestor
Was comrade in the ten years war:
For when the restless Greeks sat down
So many years before Troy town, 425
And were renown'd, as HOMER writes,
For well-soal'd boots no less than fights,
They ow'd that glory only to
His ancestor, that made them so.
Fast friend he was to REFORMATION, 430
Until 'twas worn quite out of fashion.
Next rectifier of wry LAW,
And wou'd make three to cure one flaw.
Learned he was, and could take note,
Transcribe, collect, translate, and quote. 435
But PREACHING was his chiefest talent,
Or argument, in which b'ing valiant,
He us'd to lay about and stickle,
Like ram or bull, at conventicle:
For disputants, like rams and bulls, 440
Do fight with arms that spring from skulls.
Last COLON came, bold man of war,
Destin'd to blows by fatal star;
Right expert in command of horse;
But cruel, and without remorse. 445
That which of CENTAUR long ago
Was said, and has been wrested to
Some other knights, was true of this;
He and his horse were of a piece.
One spirit did inform them both; 450
The self-same vigour, fury, wroth:
Yet he was much the rougher part,
And always had a harder heart;
Although his horse had been of those
That fed on man's flesh, as fame goes. 455
Strange food for horse! and yet, alas!
It may be true, for flesh is grass.
Sturdy he was, and no less able
Than HERCULES to clean a stable;
As great a drover, and as great 460
A critic too, in hog or neat.
He ripp'd the womb up of his mother,
Dame Tellus, 'cause she wanted fother
And provender wherewith to feed
Himself, and his less cruel steed. 465
It was a question, whether he
Or's horse were of a family
More worshipful: 'till antiquaries
(After th' had almost por'd out their eyes)
Did very learnedly decide 470
The business on the horse's side;
And prov'd not only horse, but cows,
Nay, pigs, were of the elder house:
For beasts, when man was but a piece
Of earth himself, did th' earth possess. 475
These worthies were the chief that led
The combatants, each in the head
Of his command, with arms and rage,
Ready and longing to engage.
The numerous rabble was drawn out 480
Of sev'ral counties round about,
From villages remote, and shires,
Of east and western hemispheres
From foreign parishes and regions,
Of different manners, speech, religions, 485
Came men and mastiffs; some to fight
For fame and honour, some for sight.
And now the field of death, the lists,
Were enter'd by antagonists,
And blood was ready to be broach'd, 490
When HUDIBRAS in haste approach'd,
With Squire and weapons, to attack 'em:
But first thus from his horse bespake 'em:
What rage, O citizens! what fury
Doth you to these dire actions hurry? 495
What <i> oestrum, what phrenetic mood,
Makes you thus lavish of your blood,
While the proud Vies your trophies boast
And unreveng'd walks — ghost?
What towns, what garrisons might you 500
With hazard of this blood subdue,
Which now y'are bent to throw away
In vain, untriumphable fray!
Shall SAINTS in civil bloodshed wallow
Of Saints, and let the CAUSE lie fallow? 505
The Cause for which we fought and swore
So boldly, shall we now give o'er?
Then, because quarrels still are seen
With oaths and swearings to begin,
The SOLEMN LEAGUE and COVENANT 510
Will seem a mere God-dam-me rant;
And we, that took it, and have fought,
As lewd as drunkards that fall out.
For as we make war for the King
Against himself the self-same thing, 515
Some will not stick to swear we do
For God and for Religion too:
For if bear-baiting we allow,
What good can Reformation do?
The blood and treasure that's laid out, 520
Is thrown away, and goes for nought.
Are these the fruits o' th' PROTESTATION,
The Prototype of Reformation,
Which all the Saints, and some, since Martyrs,
Wore <k> in their hats like wedding garters, 525
When 'twas <l> resolv'd by either house
Six Members quarrel to espouse?
Did they for this draw down the rabble,
With zeal and noises formidable,
And make all cries about the town 530
Join throats to cry the Bishops down?
Who having round begirt the palace,
(As once a month they do the gallows,)
As members gave the sign about,
Set up their throats with hideous shout. 535
When tinkers bawl'd aloud to settle
Church discipline, for patching kettle:
No sow-gelder did blow his horn
To geld a cat, but cry'd, Reform.
The oyster-women lock'd their fish up, 540
And trudg'd away, to cry, No Bishop.
The mouse-trap men laid save-alls by,
And 'gainst Ev'l Counsellors did cry.
Botchers left old cloaths in the lurch,
And fell to turn and patch the Church. 545
Some cry'd the Covenant instead
Of pudding-pies and ginger-bread;
And some for brooms, old boots and shoes,
Bawl'd out to Purge the Commons House.
Instead of kitchen-stuff, some cry, 550
A Gospel-preaching Ministry;
And some, for old suits, coats, or cloak,
No Surplices nor Service-Book.
A strange harmonious inclination
Of all degrees to Reformation. 555
And is this all? Is this the end
To which these carr'ings on did tend?
Hath public faith, like a young heir,
For this ta'en up all sorts of ware,
And run int' every tradesman's book, 560
'Till both turn'd bankrupts, and are broke?
Did Saints for this bring in their plate,
And crowd as if they came too late?
For when they thought the Cause had need on't,
Happy was he that could be rid on't. 565
Did they coin piss-pots, bowls, and flaggons,
Int' officers of horse and dragoons;
And into pikes and musquetteers
Stamp beakers, cups, and porringers!
A thimble, bodkin, and a spoon, 570
Did start up living men as soon
As in the furnace they were thrown,
Just like the dragon's teeth b'ing sown.
Then was the Cause of gold and plate,
The Brethren's off'rings, consecrate, 575
Like th' Hebrew calf, and down before it
The Saints fell prostrate, to adore it
So say the wicked — and will you
Make that <m> sarcasmus scandal true,
By running after dogs and bears? 580
Beasts more unclean than calves or steers.
Have pow'rful Preachers ply'd their tongues,
And laid themselves out and their lungs;
Us'd all means, both direct and sinister,
I' th' pow'r of Gospel-preaching Minister? 585
Have they invented tones to win
The women, and make them draw in
The men, as Indians with a female
Tame elephant inveigle the male?
Have they told Prov'dence what it must do, 590
Whom to avoid, and whom to trust to?
Discover'd th' enemy's design,
And which way best to countermine?
Prescrib'd what ways it hath to work,
Or it will ne'er advance the Kirk? 595
Told it the news o' th' last express,
And after good or bad success,
Made prayers, not so like petitions,
As overtures and propositions,
(Such as the army did present 600
To their creator, th' Parliament,)
In which they freely will confess
They will not, cannot acquiesce,
Unless the work be carry'd on
In the same way they have begun, 605
By setting Church and Common-weal
All on a flame, bright as their zeal,
On which the Saints were all a-gog,
And all this for a bear and dog?
The parliament drew up petitions 610
To itself, and sent them, like commissions,
To well-affected persons down,
In ev'ry city and great town,
With pow'r to levy horse and men,
Only to bring them back agen: 615
For this did many, many a mile,
Ride manfully in rank and file,
With papers in their hats, that show'd
As if they to the pillory rode.
Have all these courses, these efforts, 620
Been try'd by people of all sorts,
Velis & remis, omnibus nervis
And all t'advance the Cause's service?
And shall all now be thrown, away
In petulant intestine fray? 625
Shall we that in the Cov'nant swore,
Each man of us to run before
Another, still in Reformation,
Give dogs and bears a dispensation?
How will Dissenting Brethren relish it? 630
What will malignants say? videlicet,
That each man Swore to do his best,
To damn and perjure all the rest!
And bid the Devil take the hin'most,
Which at this race is like to win most. 635
They'll say our bus'ness, to reform
The Church and State, is but a worm;
For to subscribe, unsight, unseen,
To an unknown Church-discipline,
What is it else, but before-hand 640
T'engage, and after understand?
For when we swore to carry on
The present Reformation,
According to the purest mode
Of Churches best reformed abroad, 645
What did we else, but make a vow
To do we know not what, nor how?
For no three of us will agree,
Where or what Churches these should be;
And is indeed <n> the self-same case 650
With theirs that swore et caeteras;
Or the <o> French League, in which men vow'd
To fight to the last drop of blood.
These slanders will be thrown upon
The Cause and Work we carry on, 655
If we permit men to run headlong
T' exorbitances fit for Bedlam
Rather than Gospel-walking times,
When slightest sins are greatest crimes.
But we the matter so shall handle, 660
As to remove that odious scandal.
In name of King and parliament,
I charge ye all; no more foment
This feud, but keep the peace between
Your brethren and your countrymen; 665
And to those places straight repair
Where your respective dwellings are.
But to that purpose first surrender
The FIDDLER, as the prime offender,
Th' incendiary vile, that is chief 670
Author and engineer of mischief;
That makes division between friends,
For profane and malignant ends.
He, and that engine of vile noise,
On which illegally he plays, 675
Shall (dictum factum) both be brought
To condign punishment, as they ought.
This must be done; and I would fain see
Mortal so sturdy as to gain-say:
For then I'll take another course, 680
And soon reduce you all by force.
This said, he clapp'd his hand on sword,
To shew he meant to keep his word.
But TALGOL, who had long supprest
Inflamed wrath in glowing, breast, 685
Which now began to rage and burn as
Implacably as flame in furnace,
Thus answer'd him: — Thou vermin wretched
As e'er in measled pork was hatched;
Thou tail of worship, that dost grow 690
On rump of justice as of cow;
How dar'st thou, with that sullen luggage
O' th' self, old ir'n, and other baggage,
With which thy steed of bones and leather
Has broke his wind in halting hither; 695
How durst th', I say, adventure thus
T' oppose thy lumber against us?
Could thine impertinence find out
To work t' employ itself about,
Where thou, secure from wooden blow, 700
Thy busy vanity might'st show?
Was no dispute a-foot between
The caterwauling Brethren?
No subtle question rais'd among 705
Those out-o-their wits, and those i' th' wrong;
No prize between those combatants
O' th' times, the Land and Water Saints;
Where thou might'st stickle without hazard
Of outrage to thy hide and mazzard;
And not for want of bus'ness come 710
To us to be so troublesome,
To interrupt our better sort
Of disputants, and spoil our sport?
Was there no felony, no bawd,
Cut-purse, no burglary abroad; 715
No stolen pig, nor plunder'd goose,
To tie thee up from breaking loose?
No ale unlicens'd, broken hedge,
For which thou statute might'st alledge,
To keep thee busy from foul evil, 720
And shame due to thee from the Devil?
Did no committee sit, where he
Might cut out journey-work for thee?
And set th' a task, with subornation,
To stitch up sale and sequestration; 725
To cheat, with holiness and zeal,
All parties, and the common-weal?
Much better had it been for thee,
H' had kept thee where th' art us'd to be;
Or sent th' on bus'ness any whither, 730
So he had never brought thee hither.
But if th' hast brain enough in skull
To keep itself in lodging whole,
And not provoke the rage of stones
And cudgels to thy hide and bones 735
Tremble, and vanish, while thou may'st,
Which I'll not promise if thou stay'st.
At this the Knight grew high in wroth,
And lifting hands and eyes up both,
Three times he smote on stomach stout, 740
From whence at length these words broke out:
Was I for this entitled SIR,
And girt with trusty sword and spur,
For fame and honor to wage battle,
Thus to be brav'd by foe to cattle? 745
Not all that pride that makes thee swell
As big as thou dost blown-up veal;
Nor all thy tricks and sleights to cheat,
And sell thy carrion for good meat;
Not all thy magic to repair 750
Decay'd old age in tough lean ware;
Make nat'ral appear thy work,
And stop the gangrene in stale pork;
Not all that force that makes thee proud,
Because by bullock ne'er withstood; 755
Though arm'd with all thy cleavers, knives,
And axes made to hew down lives,
Shall save or help thee to evade
The hand of Justice, or this blade,
Which I, her sword-bearer, do carry, 760
For civil deed and military.
Nor shall those words of venom base,
Which thou hast from their native place,
Thy stomach, pump'd to fling on me,
Go unreveng'd, though I am free: 765
Thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em,
Like tainted beef, and pay dear for 'em.
Nor shall it e'er be said, that wight
With gantlet blue, and bases white,
And round blunt truncheon by his side, 770
So great a man at arms defy'd
With words far bitterer than wormwood,
That would in Job or Grizel stir mood.
Dogs with their tongues their wounds do heal;
But men with hands, as thou shalt feel. 775
This said, with hasty rage he snatch'd
His gun-shot, that in holsters watch'd;
And bending cock, he levell'd full
Against th' outside of TALGOL'S skull;
Vowing that he shou'd ne'er stir further, 780
Nor henceforth cow nor bullock murther.
But PALLAS came in shape of rust,
And 'twixt the spring and hammerthrust
Her Gorgon shield, which made the cock
Stand stiff, as t'were transform'd to stock. 785
Mean while fierce TALGOL, gath'ring might,
With rugged truncheon charg'd the Knight;
But he with petronel upheav'd,
Instead of shield, the blow receiv'd.
The gun recoil'd, as well it might, 790
Not us'd to such a kind of fight,
And shrunk from its great master's gripe,
Knock'd down and stunn'd by mortal stripe.
Then HUDIBRAS, with furious haste,
Drew out his sword; yet not so fast, 795
But TALGOL first, with hardy thwack,
Twice bruis'd his head, and twice his back.
But when his nut-brown sword was out,
With stomach huge he laid about,
Imprinting many a wound upon 800
His mortal foe, the truncheon.
The trusty cudgel did oppose
Itself against dead-doing blows,
To guard its leader from fell bane,
And then reveng'd itself again. 805
And though the sword (some understood)
In force had much the odds of wood,
'Twas nothing so; both sides were ballanc't
So equal, none knew which was valiant'st:
For wood with Honour b'ing engag'd, 810
Is so implacably enrag'd,
Though iron hew and mangle sore,
Wood wounds and bruises Honour more.
And now both Knights were out of breath,
Tir'd in the hot pursuit of death; 815
While all the rest amaz'd stood still,
Expecting which should take or kill.
This HUDIBRAS observ'd; and fretting
Conquest should be so long a getting,
He drew up all his force into 820
One body, and that into one blow.
But TALGOL wisely avoided it
By cunning sleight; for had it hit,
The upper part of him the blow
Had slit as sure as that below. 825
Meanwhile th' incomparable COLON,
To aid his friend, began to fall on.
Him RALPH encounter'd, and straight grew
A dismal combat 'twixt them two:
Th' one arm'd with metal, th' other with wood; 830
This fit for bruise, and that for blood.
With many a stiff thwack, many a bang,
Hard crab-tree and old iron rang;
While none that saw them cou'd divine
To which side conquest would incline, 835
Until MAGNANO, who did envy
That two should with so many men vie,
By subtle stratagem of brain,
Perform'd what force could ne'er attain;
For he, by foul hap, having found 840
Where thistles grew on barren ground,
In haste he drew his weapon out,
And having cropp'd them from the root,
He clapp'd them underneath the tail
Of steed, with pricks as sharp as nail. 845
The angry beast did straight resent
The wrong done to his fundament;
Began to kick, and fling, and wince,
As if h' had been beside his sense,
Striving to disengage from thistle, 850
That gall'd him sorely under his tail:
Instead of which, he threw the pack
Of Squire and baggage from his back;
And blund'ring still with smarting rump,
He gave the Knight's steed such a thump 855
As made him reel. The Knight did stoop,
And sat on further side aslope.
This TALGOL viewing, who had now
By sleight escap'd the fatal blow,
He rally'd, and again fell to't; 860
For catching foe by nearer foot,
He lifted with such might and strength,
As would have hurl'd him thrice his length,
And dash'd his brains (if any) out:
But MARS, that still protects the stout, 865
In pudding-time came to his aid,
And under him the Bear convey'd;
The Bear, upon whose soft fur-gown
The Knight with all his weight fell down.
The friendly rug preserv'd the ground, 870
And headlong Knight, from bruise or wound;
Like feather-bed betwixt a wall
And heavy brunt of cannon-ball.
As Sancho on a blanket fell,
And had no hurt, our's far'd as well 875
In body; though his mighty spirit,
B'ing heavy, did not so well bear it,
The Bear was in a greater fright,
Beat down and worsted by the Knight.
He roar'd, and rak'd, and flung about, 880
To shake off bondage from his snout.
His wrath inflam'd, boil'd o'er, and from
His jaws of death he threw the foam:
Fury in stranger postures threw him,
And more than herald ever drew him. 885
He tore the earth which he had sav'd
From squelch of Knight, and storm'd and rav'd,
And vext the more because the harms
He felt were 'gainst the law of arms:
For men he always took to be 890
His friends, and dogs the enemy;
Who never so much hurt had done him,
As his own side did falling on him.
It griev'd him to the guts that they
For whom h' had fought so many a fray, 895
And serv'd with loss of blood so long,
Shou'd offer such inhuman wrong;
Wrong of unsoldier-like condition;
For which he flung down his commission;
And laid about him, till his nose 900
From thrall of ring and cord broke loose.
Soon as he felt himself enlarg'd,
Through thickest of his foes he charg'd,
And made way through th' amazed crew;
Some he o'erran, and some o'erthrew, 905
But took none; for by hasty flight
He strove t' escape pursuit of Knight;
From whom he fled with as much haste
And dread as he the rabble chas'd.
In haste he fled, and so did they; 910
Each and his fear a several way.
CROWDERO only kept the field;
Not stirring from the place he held;
Though beaten down and wounded sore,
I' th' fiddle, and a leg that bore 915
One side of him; not that of bone,
But much it's better, th' wooden one.
He spying HUDIBRAS lie strow'd
Upon the ground, like log of wood,
With fright of fall, supposed wound, 920
And loss of urine, in a swound,
In haste he snatch'd the wooden limb,
That hurt i' the ankle lay by him,
And fitting it for sudden fight,
Straight drew it up t' attack the Knight; 925
For getting up on stump and huckle,
He with the foe began to buckle;
Vowing to be reveng'd for breach
Of crowd and skin upon the wretch,
Sole author of all detriment 930
He and his fiddle underwent.