“Here are two on the drink question. ‘Next Time Ask the Barkeep Why He Doesn’t Drink,’ and, ‘Mighty Elephants Like Rum—and Are Chained Slaves.’”
“You’ll find more moralizing on booze if you look farther. It’s one of the subjects they talk most about.”
“‘The Sardine is Dead: Therefore More Comfortable Than You, Mr. Straphanger,’” read Marrineal.
“Go up in the rush-hour L any day and you’ll hear that editorial with trimmings.”
“And ‘Mr. Flynn Owes You a Yacht Ride’ is of the same order, I suppose.”
“Yes. If it had been practicable, I’d have had some insets with that: a picture of Flynn, a cut of his new million-dollar yacht, and a table showing the twenty per cent dividends that the City Illuminating Company pays by over-taxing Jones on his lighting and heating. That would almost tell the story without comment.”
“I see. Still making it easy for them to read.”
Marrineal ran over a number of other captions, sensational, personal, invocative, and always provocative: “Man, Why Hasn’t Your Wife Divorced You?” “John L. Sullivan, the Great Unknown.” “Why Has the Ornithorhyncus Got a Beak?” “If You Must Sell Your Vote, Ask a Fair Price For It.” “Mustn’t Play, You Kiddies: It’s a Crime: Ask Judge Croban.” “Socrates, Confucius, Buddha, Christ; All Dead, But—!!!” “The Inventor of Goose-Plucking Was the First Politician. They’re At It Yet.” “How Much Would You Pay a Man to Think For You?” “Air Doesn’t Cost Much: Have You Got Enough to Breathe?”
“All this,” said the owner of The Patriot, “is taken from what people talk and think about?”
“Yes.”