“'No, your honour, only confused a little; for when the toes began to spake to me—the cat, I mane—I was bothered clane—'
“'The cat speak to you!' said the Squire. 'Phew! worse than before—you're drunk, Tom.'
“'No, your honour; it's on the strength of the cat I come to spake to you—'
“'I think it's on the strength of a pint of whisky, Tom—'
“'By the vartue o' my oath, your honour, it's nothin' but the cat.' And so Tom then told him all about the affair, and the Squire was regularly astonished. Just then the bishop of the diocese and the priest of the parish happened to call in, and heard the story; and the bishop and the priest had a tough argument for two hours on the subject; the former swearing she must be a witch; but the priest denying that, and maintaining she was only enchanted; and that part of the argument was afterwards referred to the primate, and subsequently to the conclave at Rome; but the Pope declined interfering about cats, saying he had quite enough to do minding his own bulls.
“'In the meantime, what are we to do with the cat?' says Botherum.
“'Burn her,' says the bishop, 'she's a witch.'
“Only enchanted,' said the priest—'and the ecclesiastical court maintains that—'
“'Bother the ecclesiastical court!' said the magistrate; 'I can only proceed on the statutes;' and with that he pulled down all the law-books in his library, and hunted the laws from Queen Elizabeth down, and he found that they made laws against everything in Ireland, except a cat. The devil a thing escaped them but a cat, which did not come within the meaning of any act of parliament:—the cats only had escaped.
“'There's the alien act, to be sure,' said the magistrate, 'and perhaps she's a French spy, in disguise.'