'I thought I went to sleep in my own bed, but I'm d——d if I have not woke in the middle of the street.'
A certain roystering gentleman named Jack Ray got drunk and fell asleep in the woods of Kilcoleman. Some of the Godfrey boys, seeing him prostrate and with foam on his lips, ran to summon their father, saying to him:—
'There's a man dead in the wood.'
Sir William hastened to the spot, and having put on his glasses to get a view of the corpse, observed:—
'Come away, my boys, this man dies once a week.'
Another Kerry landlord, who was also a baronet, dealt with the National Bank, the local manager of which was an arrant snob, who loved a title, and bored everybody with his pretended intimacy with the impecunious baronet. But at last even his patience was exhausted, and he sent the squire a pretty stiff letter about the arrears due.
The other received the letter at breakfast, and showed it to his son just come down from a University, who whistled and ejaculated:—
'O tempora! O mores!'
His father instantly retorted:—
'You get me the temporary, and I'll promptly see we have more ease.'