How to Behave: A Pocket Manual of Republican Etiquette, and Guide to Correct Personal Habits / Embracing an Exposition of the Principles of Good Manners; Useful Hints on the Care of the Person, Eating, Drinking, Exercise, Habits, Dress, Self-culture, and Behavior at Home; the Etiquette of Salutations, Introductions, Receptions, Visits, Dinners, Evening Parties, Conversation, Letters, Presents, Weddings, Funerals, the Street, the Church, Places of Amusement, Traveling, Etc., with Illustrative Anecdotes, a Chapter on Love and Courtship, and Rules of Order for Debating Societies

by Samuel R. Wells

Gentlemen must be assiduous but not officious in their attentions to the ladies. See that they lack nothing, but do not seem to watch them.

If a "grace" is to be asked, treat the observance with respect. Good manners require this, even if veneration fails to suggest it.

Soup will come first. You must not decline it; because nothing else can be served till the first course is finished, and to sit with nothing before you would be awkward. But you may eat as little of it as you choose. The host serves his left-hand neighbor first, then his right hand, and so on till all are served. Take whatever is given you, and do not offer it to your neighbor; and begin at once to eat. You must not suck soup into your month, blow it, or send for a second plate. The second course is fish, which is to be eaten with a fork, and without vegetables. The last part of this injunction does not, of course, apply to informal dinners, where fish is the principal dish. Fish, like soup, is served but once. When you have eaten what you wish, you lay your fork on your plate, and the waiter removes it. The third course brings the principal dishes—roast and boiled meats, fowl, etc., which are followed by game. There are also side dishes of various kinds. At dessert, help the ladies near you to whatever they may require. Serve strawberries with a spoon, but pass cherries, grapes, or peaches for each to help himself with his fingers. You need not volunteer to pare an apple or a peach for a lady, but should do so, of course, at her request, using her fork or some other than your own to hold it.

We have said in our remarks on table manners in general, in a previous chapter, that in sending your plate for anything, you should leave your knife and fork upon it. For this injunction we have the authority of most of the books on etiquette, as well as of general usage. There seems also to be a reason for the custom in the fact, that to hold them in your hand would be awkward, and to lay them on the table-cloth might soil it; but the author of the "American Gentleman's Guide," whose acquaintance with the best usage is not to be questioned, says that they should be retained, and either kept together in the hand, or rested upon your bread, to avoid soiling the cloth.

Eat deliberately and decorously (there can be no harm in repeating this precept), masticate your food thoroughly, and beware of drinking too much ice-water.

If your host is not a "temperance man," that is, one pledged to total abstinence, wine will probably be drunk. You can of course decline, but you must do so courteously, and without any reflection upon those who drink. You are not invited to deliver a temperance lecture.

Where finger-glasses are used, dip the tips of your fingers in the water and wipe them on your napkin; and wet a corner of the napkin and wipe your mouth. Snobs sometimes wear gloves at table. It is not necessary that you should imitate them.

The French fashion of having the principal dishes carved on a side-table, and served by attendants, is now very generally adopted at ceremonious dinners in this country, but few gentlemen who go into company at all can safely count upon never being called upon to carve, and the art is well worth acquiring. Ignorance of it sometimes places one in an awkward position. You will find directions on this subject in almost any cook-book; you will learn more, however, by watching an accomplished carver than in any other way.

Do not allow yourself to be too much engrossed in attending to the wants of the stomach, to join in the cheerful interchange of civilities and thoughts with those near you.

We must leave a hundred little things connected with a dinner party unmentioned; but what we have said here, together with the general canons of eating laid down in [Chapter VI]. (Section 7, "Table Manners"), and a little observation, will soon make you a proficient in the etiquette of these occasions, in which, if you will take our advice, you will not participate very frequently. An informal dinner, at which you meet two or three friends, and find more cheer and less ceremony, is much to be preferred.