Aberdeen, 1637.
[CLXXXIX.—To John Stuart, Provost of Ayr. [Letter CLXIII.]
(HOPE FOR SCOTLAND—SELF-SUBMISSION—CHRIST HIMSELF IS SOUGHT FOR BY FAITH—STABILITY OF SALVATION—HIS WAYS.)
W ORTHY SIR,—Grace, mercy, and peace be to you. I long for the time when I shall see the beauty of the Lord in His house; and would be as glad of it as of any sight on earth, to see the halt, the blind, and the lame, come back to Zion with supplications (Jer. xxxi. 8, 9), "Going and weeping, and seeking the Lord; asking the way to Zion, with their faces thitherward" (Jer. l. 4, 5); and to see the Woman travailing in birth, delivered of the man-child of a blessed reformation. If this land were humbled, I would look that our skies should clear, and our day dawn again; and ye should then bless Christ, who is content to save your travel, and to give Himself to you, in pure ordinances, on this side of the sea. I know the mercy of Christ is engaged by promise to Scotland, notwithstanding He bring wrath, as I fear He will, upon this land.
I am waiting on for enlargement, and half content that my faith bow, if Christ, while He bow it, keep it unbroken; for who goeth through a fire without a mark or a scald? I see the Lord making use of this fire, to scour His vessels from their rust. Oh that my will were silent, and "as a child weaned from the breasts"! (Ps. cxxxi.). But, alas! who hath a heart that will give Christ the last word in flyting, and will hear and not speak again? Oh! contestations and quarrelous replies (as a soon-saddled spirit, "I do well to be angry, even to the death") (Jonah iv. 9) smell of the stink of strong corruption. O blessed soul, that could sacrifice his will, and go to heaven, having lost his will and made resignation of it to Christ! I would seek no more than that Christ were absolute King over my will, and that my will were a sufferer in all crosses, without meeting Christ with such a word, "Why is it thus?" I wish still, that my love had but leave to stand beside beautiful Jesus, and to get the mercy of looking to Him, and burning for Him, suppose that possession of Him were suspended, and fristed till my Lord fold together the leaves and two sides of the little shepherds' tents of clay. Oh, what pain is in longing for Christ, under an over-clouded and eclipsed assurance! What is harder than to burn and dwine with longing and deaths of love, and then to have blanks and uninked paper for[307] assurance of Christ in real fruition or possession? Oh how sweet were one line, or half a letter, of a written assurance under Christ's own hand! But this is our exercise daily, that guiltiness shall overmist and darken assurance. It is a miracle to believe; but, for a sinner to believe, is two miracles. But oh, what obligations of love are we under to Christ, who beareth with our wild apprehensions, in suffering them to nickname sweet Jesus, and to put a lie upon His good name! If He had not been God, and if long-suffering in Christ were not like Christ Himself, we should long ago have broken Christ's mercies in two pieces, and put an iron bar on our salvation, that mercy should not have been able to break or overleap. But long-suffering in God is God Himself; and that is our salvation; and the stability of our heaven is in God. He knew who said, "Christ in you the hope of glory" (Col. i. 27) (for our hope, and the bottom and pillars of it, is Christ-God!), that sinners are anchor-fast, and made stable in God. So that if God do not change (which is impossible), then my hope shall not fluctuate. Oh, sweet stability of sure-bottomed salvation! Who could win heaven, if this were not so? and who could be saved, if God were not God, and if He were not such a God as He is? Oh, God be thanked that our salvation is coasted, and landed, and shored upon Christ, who is Master of winds and storms! And what sea-winds can blow the coast or the land out of its place? Bulwarks are often casten down, but coasts are not removed: but suppose that were or might be, yet God cannot reel nor remove. Oh that we go from this strong and immoveable Lord, and that we loosen ourselves (if it were in our power) from Him! Alas! our green and young love hath not taken with Christ, being unacquainted with Him. He is such a wide, and broad, and deep, and high, and surpassing sweetness, that our love is too little for Him. But oh, if our love, little as it is, could take band with His great and huge sweetness, and transcendent excellency! Oh, thrice blessed, and eternally blessed are they, who are out of themselves, and above themselves, that they may be in love united to Him!
I am often rolling up and down the thoughts of my faint and sick desires of expressing Christ's glory before His people. But I see not through the throng of impediments, and cannot find eyes to look higher; and so I put many things in Christ's way to hinder Him, that I know He would but laugh at, and with one stride set His foot over them all. I know not if my Lord will bring me to His sanctuary or not; but I know that He hath the placing of me, either within or without the house, and that nothing will be done without Him. But I am often thinking and saying within myself, that my days flee away, and I see no good, neither yet Christ's work thriving; and it is like that the grave shall prevent[308] the answer of my desires of saving souls as I would. But, alas! I cannot make right work of His ways; I neither spell nor read my Lord's providence aright. My thoughts go away that I fear they meet not God; for it is likely that God will not come the way of my thoughts. And I cannot be taught to crucify to Him my wisdom and desires, and to make Him King over my thoughts; for I would have a princedom over my thoughts, and would boldly and blindly prescribe to God, and guide myself in a way of my own making. But I hold my peace here; let Him do His will.
Grace, grace be with you.