"The Albanny, Picadilly, London, 12th Oct. 18—.

"My dear Cecilia,

"I take Up My pen To Inform you of Arriving safe Here, where Am sorry howr. To say There Is No One which one knows except Tradespeople Going About and so Dull on Acct. of Customers Out of Town, Dearest love You Are the Girl of my Heart As I am of Your's, and am particular Lonely Alone Here and wish to be There where she Is how I Long to Fold My dearest girl in My Arms hope You Don't Forget Me As soon As I am Absent do You often Think of me wh. I do indeed of you, and looking Forward to The Happy Days When We are United in the Happy bonds of Hymmen, never To part Again dearest I Was Driving yesterday In my New Cabb In the park, where whom Shd. I Meet but That Miss Aubrey Wh. they say (Between you And I and The post) is Truly in a Gallopping Consumption on Acct. Of my Not Having Her A likely thing indeed that I ever car'd for Such an individule wh. Never Did Only of you, Dearest What shall I Send you As A Gift Shall it Be In The cloathing Line, For there Is a Wonderful Fine and Choice Assortmt. of Cashmere Shawls and Most Remarkable Handsome Cloaks, All Newly arrived fr. Paris, Never Think Of The price wh. Betwixt Lovers Goes For Nothing. However Large the Figure Only Say what You Shall have and Down It shall Come And Now dearest Girl Adieu.

'Those Can't meet Again, who Never Part.'


dearest Your's to command till death. T. Titmouse.


"P. T. O.—Love and Duty To My Lord (of Course) who shall Feel only Too happy to Call My Father-In-Law, the Sooner The better."

When poor Lady Cecilia received this exquisite epistle, and had read over only half a dozen lines of it, she flung it on the floor; threw herself down on the sofa in her dressing-room; and remained silent and motionless for more than an hour. When she heard Miss Macspleuchan knock at her door for admittance, Lady Cecilia started up, snatched the letter from the floor, and thrust it into her dressing-case, before admitting her "humble companion."

A succession of such letters as the above might have had the effect upon Lady Cecilia's "attachment" to Titmouse, which the repeated affusion of cold water would have upon the thermometer; but the crack-brained Fates still favored Mr. Titmouse, by presently investing him with a character, and placing him in a position, calculated to give him personal dignity, and thereby redeem and elevate him in the estimation of his fastidious and lofty mistress—I mean that of candidate for a seat in Parliament—for the representation of a borough in which he had a commanding influence:—but this brings me to topics which must not be lightly handled.

After a national commotion commensurate with the magnitude of the boon which had been sought for, the great Bill for Giving Everybody Everything had passed into a law, and the people were frantic with joy. Its blooming first fruits were of a sort calculated to satisfy the public expectation, viz.—two or three earls were turned into marquises, and one or two marquises into dukes, and deservedly; for these great men had far higher titles to the gratitude and admiration of the country, in exacting this second Magna Charta from King ——, than the stern old barons in extorting the first from King John—namely, they parted with vast substantial political power, for only a nominal quid pro quo, in the shape of a bit of ribbon or a strawberry leaf. Its next immediate effect was to cleanse the Augean stable of the House of Commons, by opening upon it the floodgates of popular will and popular opinion; and having utterly expelled the herd of ignorant and mercenary wretches which had so long occupied and defiled it, their places were to be supplied by a band of patriots and statesmen, as gifted as disinterested—the people's own enlightened, unbiased, and deliberate choice. Once put the government of the country—it was said—the administration of affairs—into hands such as these, and the inevitable result would be, the immediate regeneration of society, and the securing the greatest happiness to the greatest number. It was fearfully apparent that, under the old system, we had sunk into irredeemable contempt abroad, and were on the very verge of ruin and anarchy at home. So blessedly true is it, that when things come to the worst, they begin to mend! In short, the enlightened and enlarged constituencies began forthwith to look out for fit objects of their choice—for the best men; men of independent fortune; of deep stake in the welfare of the country; of spotless private and consistent public character; who, having had adequate leisure, opportunity, inclination, and capacity, had fitted themselves to undertake, with advantage to the nation, the grave responsibilities of statesmen and legislators. Such candidates, therefore, as Mr. Tittlebat Titmouse, became naturally in universal request; and the consequence was, such a prodigious flight of Titmice into the House of Commons—but whither am I wandering? I have to do with only one little borough—that of Yatton in Yorkshire. The Great Charter operated upon it, by first, in a manner, amputating it of one of its members; secondly, extending its boundary—Grilston, and one or two of the adjacent places, being incorporated into the new borough; thirdly, by the introduction of the new qualification of voters. I have ascertained from a very high quarter—in fact, from a Cabinet Minister, since deceased[34]—a curious and important fact; viz. that had Mr. Titmouse failed in recovering the Yatton property, or been of different political opinions, in either of these cases, the little borough of Yatton was doomed to utter extinction: a circumstance which shows the signal vigilance, the accurate and comprehensive knowledge of local interest and capabilities, evinced by those great and good men who were remodelling the representation of the country. How little did my hero suspect that his political opinions, as newly-installed owner of Yatton, formed a topic of anxious discussion at more than one Cabinet council, previous to the passing of the Great Bill! Upon such considerations did it—in fact—depend whether Yatton should be at once deposited in the sepulchre of "Schedule A;" or added to the dismal rank of surviving, but maimed ones in "Schedule B." As its boundary was extended, so the constituency of Yatton was, as I have said, enlarged; the invaluable elective franchise being wisely given to those most in need of the advantages it could immediately procure; and the fleeting nature of whose interest naturally enhanced their desire to consult the welfare of those who had a permanent and deep stake in its prosperity. Though, however, the change effected by the new act had so considerably added to the roll of electors, it had not given ground for serious apprehension as to the security of the seat of the owner of the Yatton property. After a very long and private interview between Gammon and Titmouse, in which something transpired which may be referred to hereafter, it was agreed that—(the New Writs having been issued within one week after the calmed and sobered new constituencies had been organized—which organization, again, had been wisely effected within a week or two after the passing of the act which had created them)—Mr. Titmouse should instantly scare away all competition, by announcing his determination to start for the borough. As soon as this was known, a deputation from a club of the new electors in Grilston waited upon Mr. Titmouse—to propose the pecuniary terms on which their support was to be obtained. Hereat he was somewhat startled—but Gammon saw in it the legitimate working of the new system; and—nothing was ever better managed!—nobody was in any mischievous secret—neither party compromised; and yet the happy result was—that one hundred and nine votes were in a trice secured in Grilston alone for Mr. Titmouse. Then Gammon appointed Messrs. Bloodsuck and Son the local agents of Titmouse; for whom he wrote an address to the electors—and, Titmouse promising to have it printed forthwith, Mr. Gammon returned to town for a day or two. Nothing could have been more skilful than the document which he had prepared—at once terse, comprehensive, and showy; meaning everything, or nothing—(dolosus semper versatur in generalibus, was an observation of Lord Coke's on which Gammon had kept his eye fixed in drawing up his "Address.") Yet it came to pass, that on the evening of the day of Gammon's departure, a Mr. Phelim O'Doodle, a splendid billiard-player, (in fact he had commenced life in the capacity of marker to a billiard-table near Leicester Square,) and also one of the first members returned—only a few days before—for an Irish borough in the Liberal interest, chanced to take Yatton in his way to Scotland, (where he was going to officiate professionally at a grand match at billiards, at the house of an early patron, Sir Archibald M'Cannon,) from London; and being intimate with Mr. Titmouse, from whom (to conceal nothing from the reader) he had borrowed a little money a few months before, to enable him to present himself to his intelligent and enthusiastic constituency—they sat down to canvass the merits of the Address which the astute but absent Gammon had prepared for Titmouse. Mr. O'Doodle pronounced it "divilish tame, and maiger;" comparing it to toddy, with the whiskey omitted: and availing himself of Gammon's draft as far as he approved of it, he drew up the following, which put Titmouse into an ecstasy; and he sent it off the very next morning for insertion in the Yorkshire Stingo. Here is an exact copy of that judicious and able performance—which I must own I consider quite a model in its way.

"To the worthy and independent Electors of Yatton.


"Gentlemen,—His Majesty having been pleased to dissolve the late Parliament, under very remarkable and exciting circumstances, and, in the midst of the transports of enthusiasm arising out of the passing of that second Great Charter of our Liberties, the Act for Giving Everybody Everything, with kindly wisdom, to call upon you to exercise immediately the high and glorious privilege of choosing your representative in the New Parliament, I beg leave to announce myself as a candidate for that distinguished honor. Gentlemen, long before I succeeded in establishing my right to reside among you in my present capacity, I felt a deep interest in the welfare of the tenants of the property, and especially of those residing in the parts adjacent, and who are now so happily introduced into the constituency of this ancient and loyal borough. I trust that the circumstance of my ancestors having resided for ages within it, will not indispose you to a favorable reception of their descendant and representative. Gentlemen, my political opinions are those which led to the passing of the Great Measure I have alluded to, and which are bound up in it. Without going into details, which are too multifarious for the limits of such an Address as the present, let me assure you, that though firmly resolved to uphold the agricultural interests of this great country, I am equally anxious to sustain the commercial and manufacturing interests; and whenever they are unhappily in fatal conflict with each other, I shall be found at my post, zealously supporting both, to the utmost of my ability. Though a sincere and firm member and friend of the Established Church, I am not insensible to the fearful abuses which at present prevail in it; particularly in its revenues, which I am disposed to lessen and equalize—devoting the surplus capital to useful purposes connected with the State, from which she derived them, as history testifies.

I am bent upon securing the utmost possible latitude to every species of Dissent. In fact, I greatly doubt whether any form of religion ought to be 'established' in a free country. While I am resolved to uphold Protestantism, I think I best do so, by seeking to remove all restrictions from the Catholics, who, I am persuaded, will sacredly abstain from endeavoring to promote their own interests at the expense of ours. The infallible page of history establishes their humility, meekness, and moderation. Gentlemen, depend upon it, the established religion is most likely to flourish when surrounded by danger, and threatened by persecution; it has an inherent vitality which will defy, in the long run, all competition, and there must be competition, or there can be no triumph. Gentlemen, I am for Peace, Retrenchment, and Reform, which are in fact the Three Polar Stars of my political conduct. I am an advocate for quarterly Parliaments, convinced that we cannot too often be summoned to give an account of our stewardship—and that the frequency of elections will occasion a wholesome agitation, and stimulus to trade. I am for extending the elective franchise to all, except those who are actually the inmates of a prison or a poor-house on the day of election; and for affording to electors the inviolable secrecy and protection of the Ballot. I am an uncompromising advocate of civil and religious liberty all over the globe; and, in short, of giving the greatest happiness to the greatest number. Gentlemen, before concluding, I wish to state explicitly, as the result of long and deep inquiry and reflection, that I am of opinion that every constituency is entitled, nay, bound, to exact from a candidate for its suffrages the most strict and minute pledges as to his future conduct in Parliament, in every matter, great or small, that can come before it; in order to prevent his judgment being influenced and warped by the dangerous sophistries and fallacies which are broached in Parliament, and protect his integrity from the base, sinister, and corrupt influences which are invariably brought to bear on public men. I am ready, therefore, to pledge myself to anything that may be required of me by any elector who may honor me with his support.

Gentlemen, such are my political principles, and I humbly hope that they will prove to be those of the electors of this ancient and loyal borough, so as to warrant the legislature in having preserved it in existence, amid the wholesale havoc which it has just made in property of this description. Though it is not probable that we shall be harassed by a contest, I shall make a point of waiting upon you all personally, and humbly answering all questions that may be put to me: and should I be returned, rely upon it, that I will never give you occasion to regret your display of so signal an evidence of your confidence in me.—I have the honor to be, Gentlemen, your most obedient and humble servant,

"T. Titmouse.

"Yatton, 3d December, 18—."

"Upon my soul, if that don't carry the election hollow," said Mr. O'Doodle, laying down his pen, and mixing himself a fresh tumbler of half-and-half brandy and water, "you may call me bog-trotter to the end of my days, and be —— to me!"!!!