"New York, Jan. 23d, 1867.
"My Dearest,
"I am sending you $200, with one hundred and ninety-seven of which you must take up a note due Ashwell, the Northern sutler. This is what remains of money due him to redeem the silver tray from which you parted to purchase shoes for the prisoners. Get a receipt in full from him, get the tray, and restore it to its place in the service. To raise this amount I am sorely pressed. We have had a terribly dull season. I am comforted by the good reports of the children. Tell them that I rejoice to hear of the good progress in their studies, and am particularly delighted with Theo's 'perfect' circular. My heart's desire is that the children be perfect in all things. Pray write often about them. Gordon writes charmingly, but her letters cannot be substituted for yours. Indeed I love you all more and more every day of my life, and I would sacrifice everything to be with you. Next spring you must join me. Do let us make the experiment. By hard work and strict economy we may contrive to tide over our difficulties. We must remember that we are poor, and must act accordingly. We must be content to live humbly. Anything is more tolerable than the life we now live. Business of every kind is extremely dull here, but I get some practice. I argued on a 'Demurrer' the other day and was greatly complimented—the Chief Justice again remarking; 'it is refreshing to hear a good argument by a good lawyer.'
"Devotedly, R. A. P."
"March 5th, 1867.
"My Dearest,—To-morrow I will send you a certified cheque for $50. Would it were more! For a month I have been extremely pressed for money, but I still hope for easier times. My income is very precarious. Don't imagine I have the least idea of abandoning my experiment here. 'I mean to fight it out on this line' to the end of the struggle. My practice increases slowly but surely, and is based, I believe, on a conviction of my competency. Thank God what I have accomplished, though small, has been achieved by my own unaided exertions, and without the least obligation to a human being. I have no patron. I have never solicited business. My only arts are, work and devotion to study. These expedients may be slow of operation, but they are sure, and they leave my dignity and self-respect uncompromised. I am not conscious of having received a favor since my residence in New York—and when the victory is achieved, I shall feel inexpressible gratification in saying, with Coriolanus, 'Alone I did it!' When I speak of 'favor' I mean in the way of my profession. Of personal kindness I have been the grateful recipient—though not in many instances. Judge — was perpetually obtruding his promises upon me until at last I told him I needed no help and would accept no succor. Of course he is offended. Let him be! All his professions of regard are developed to be an interested scheme to press me into his service.
"And now one more word. You must come to me. I cannot live without you. Is not poverty better than such an existence? May we not live here humbly, but content in one another's presence? I do not see that it is possible for me to get employment in Virginia. Let us abate something of our pride and ambition, and be content to live poorly and obscurely. We can at least be sustained by our mutual love and admiration. What care we for the world?
"Devotedly, R. A. P."
A very dull season succeeded these brave words. My poor general suffered greatly from neuralgic pains in his head; no new cases came into his office. He writes:—
"I cannot account for it! Everything looks so much less promising—but really now I must remain here. I have no money to get away! Never before have I been so sick at heart. I often fear I can bear no more. I would come to you—supremely wretched as I am—but for the fact that I am without money to pay my expenses. In truth I haven't a cent in the world! Yesterday I had one dollar, but meeting a poor little boy about Willy's size with an arm just broken, I gave him the last of my fortune. Why my landlord trusts me, I know not. But he seems to have faith in me, and is willing to wait until I earn something."