Bypaths in Dixie: Folk Tales of the South

by Sarah Johnson Cocke

“Fin’ly Ned Dog ax Cap’n Goat ef Bline Billy skeer’d ter meet Mist’r Race Hoss on de same stump, will he ’gree ter meet ’im on diffunt stumps but tolerbul close tergether, so dey kin see which one kin out do de uth’r.

“Cap’n Goat say Bline Billy ain’ skeer’d er no race hoss dat ev’r capr’d on er track, an’ ter ’nounce de time an’ name de stumps, an’ Blin’ Billy’ll be dar wid fo’ foots an’ er tongue dat’ll make Mist’r Race Hoss eat up all dat big talk he bin scat’rin’ ’roun’.

“Whin ole Unk Gee-Haw Steer heah ’bout de meetin’ he kick er ’ginst hit, he say dat donkey gwine make er jack er hisse’f sho’ es sho’ kin be; dat fokes’ll fin’ out who Bline Billy is, ef he start ter talkin’ wid Mist’r Race Hoss.

“Mist’r Tom Cat say, ‘Nor, Jack Donkey gwinter keep hisse’f kiv’r’d up plum tell de ’lection’s ov’r.’

“Sez Unk Gee-Haw Steer, ‘I wants yer all ter ’member I kick’d ’ginst hit ter de ve’y las’.’

“Oh, I tells yer dar wus mouty times gwine on gittin’ reddy fur dat ’casion; de pastur’ wus plum full er flags.

“Sis’ Tabby Cat, she slip ov’r ter Miss Race Hosses house an’ say, ‘Miss Race Hoss, Mist’r Tom Cat say hit mos’ kill him ter vote ’ginst Mist’r Race Hoss, but Cap’n Goat done bin sich er good frin’ ter our fambly dat Tom bleege ter do like de Cap’n ax ’im, but hit mos’ killin’ Tom, ’caze he say Mist’r Race Hoss is de man fur de place, an’ he hope he gwine git ’lect’d.’

“Miss Race Hoss ain’ sayin’ nuthin’. She know all ’bout Mist’r Tom Cat’s doin’s an’ Sis’ Tabby wusn’t foolin’ nobody but herse’f. Lawd, chillun,” she mused, preparing to cut some quilt pieces, “how menny Sis’ Tabby Cats is bin ter see Miss Lucy heah lately?”

“Well, de speakin’ day come. Bline Billy wus settin’ off on his stump all kiv’r’d up, so nobody kin tell him. Cap’n Goat settin’ right close ter him whisperin’ all de time, an’ Brer Turkey Buzzard he swoopin’ all eroun’ de congergation takin’ messages fur Cap’n Goat, an’ pickin’ up eny scrap uv vit’als he kin fine.

“Mist’r Race Hoss settin’ on his stump, too, wid Jedge Eagle perch’d ’long side er him an’ Ned Dog on de uth’r side.