THE BIG BOY'S STORY.
You want me to tell you what I know about the pretty little girl next door? Well, I'm ready to begin, if you won't mind my talk; I'm only a boy, you know, and can't use fine words—that's all humbug.
My name is Tom Halstead. I am nephew to the Miss Brandlaws, who live at No. 7. The idea of calling my darling old friskies "The Bluejays!" (If you don't give me that Australian post stamp I saw in your desk, I'll tell 'em, too!) However, to go on with my story.
One morning last winter, just at the end of the Christmas holidays, while I was on a visit there, I didn't know what on earth to do with myself. So I caught Poddles (that's the poodle), dressed him up in Aunt Elsie's nightcap, tied a life preserver round him, and put him in the portable shower-bath, just for fun; it didn't hurt him a bit, and—would you believe it? the hateful thing hopped out, squealing murder, shook himself all over the carpet, scratched off the nightcap, and danced round the room with it in a fury, till it was in perfect rags.
Up rushed Aunt Elsie, and was so horrified when she saw the carpet and her cap in such a mess, and "darling doggie" all "wetsey-petsey," that she locked me up in my room for the rest of the day on bread and water! and there was gingerbread, with raisins in it, baking down stairs!! Horrid!!!
Of course I couldn't spend my time sucking my thumbs; so, like a sensible fellow, I set myself to find some better employment, and soon a grand idea came into my head. I had just finished reading a jolly old-fashioned novel I found in Uncle Herbert's room, called "The Castle Spectre: a Tale of Spain;" where a goose of a lover, such a spooney! had scrambled down from the top of a castle, hanging on to his bedclothes. Now, don't you see it? Perhaps not, so I'll explain.
My bedroom is the third floor, back room, always; and you know that piazza at the back of the house? Well, what did I do, but twitch off my bedcover—nice white one it was, too—tie it to the bedpost, and let the end hang out of the window. Then I scrambled out, and slid down the wall like a streak of lightning! You can't think what jolly fun it was!
There was lots of amusement in the yard; twelve cats on the fence to plague, and no end of snow to make balls and pelt the cook with; beside, the gingerbread was just baked, and I got a brown corner! So! there! while I was eating it, and it was so hot that it almost sizzled, all at once I heard a lot of noise in the next yard. Some boys seemed to be having a drill there; so I ran up the steps leading from the piazza to the ground, and looked over the fence. But lor now! what do you think? one of the boys was a girl! She had on long india-rubber boots, and I called out, "Go it, Boots!"
Then the little boy that was with her, who seemed to be her brother, looked so mad at me! and, really and truly, I couldn't help plaguing them a little. I know you think I was real mean; but if you had seen how funny they looked, in paper cocked hats, with turkey tails for feathers, and the little boy thumping a big tin saucepan for a drum, you would have laughed, too; so you needn't look so provoked, Neighbor Oldbird!
"Gee up, awkward squad!" I said; "double quick halt on the right flank! Ha-ahup!"