NEW YORK:
VAN EVRIE, HORTON & CO.,
No. 162 NASSAU STREET,
PRINTING HOUSE SQUARE.
1866.
Entered according to Act of Congress, by Bromley & Co., in the year 1864, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern District of New York
LOVEJOY & SON,
ELECTROTYPERS & STEREOTYPERS,
15 Vandewater st., N.Y.
CONTENTS.
| PAGE. | |
| [LETTER I.] | |
| The Major Announces that he "Still Lives"—The Reason why he has not Spoken before—Writes to "President Linkin," who at once Sends for him—How Lincoln Shakes Hands—His Troubles—The Major's Advice— Lincoln to get an "Appintment on Gineral McClellan's Staff"—A Story About Old Rye, from Mr. Lincoln. | 15 |
| [LETTER II.] | |
| Deacon Jenkins, of Downingville, Sent for to Cut and Make the President's Uniform—A Provoking Accident—Mr. Lincoln Tells a Story—The Major as a "Commentater" on the Constitution—Mrs. Lincoln's Party—"Insine Stebbins, of the Downingville Insensibles, Writes a Paradox for the Occasion"—The Major gets Angry—Lincoln Tells a Story About Virginia Mud. | 23 |
| [LETTER III.] | |
| The Major has an Attack of the Ague and Fever—Begins to get the Hang of Matters at Washington—Mr. Lincoln's Improvement in "Military Nollege"—Studying "Stratygims" for Gen. McClellan—The Major Suggests a Difficulty—Mr. Stanton Called on—The Negroes at Port Royal—"The Nigger-Teachin Fever"—Deacon Jenkins' Daughter goes to Port Royal to Teach the Negroes. | 32 |
| [LETTER IV.] | |
| A Delegation Calls upon the President—The Major Indignant—Mr. Lincoln Tells a Story—Curious Composition of the Republican Party—Difficulty of Keeping it Together—The President Hopes to do it by "Sloshin About"—Deacon Jenkins Again—He is a Temperance Man, but Takes a Glass of Old Rye. | 40 |
| [LETTER V.] | |
| A Blue Time—The Major Wins a Hat of the President—The Richmond Expedition of Gen. McClellan—Mr. Lincoln's Trick on the Major—A Letter from Jerusha Matilda Jenkins—She gives her Experience in Negro-Teaching—Priscella Huggins and Elder Sniffles—Cloe, the Negro Girl who "Could not be Good unless she was Licked"—A Negro Meeting—Dancing and Singing—The Unpleasant Odor—Negroes Steal Miss Huggins' Clothes—They Purloin Jerusha's Petticoat—It is Thought that their Religion is not "Very Deep"—Mr. Lincoln Hears the Letter Read—He Declares that Port Royal is a "Cussed Hole" —Deacon Jenkins Shocked—He Proves it by the Scriptures. | 48 |
| [LETTER VI.] | |
| The Question of the "Contrybands"—Lincoln and the Major Discuss it—The Major tells a Story—Shows Mr. Lincoln That the Government is out of Order—Says it's a "Dimmycratic Machine," and that Seward and Chase don't know How to Run it—They are Like Old Jim Dumbutter and the Thrashing Machine—The Major Tells Another Story—"The Kernel" Gets a Joke on Seward—Tells a Story about the "Giascutis." | 59 |
| [LETTER VII.] | |
| War "Noose"—The President's Anxiety—Mr. Lincoln Determines to Apply "the Principle"—The Story of Zenas Homespun—The Major's Views on Negroes—Poetry—The Emancipation Ball—The Major going to "Cifer" on the Finances. | 67 |
| [LETTER VIII.] | |
| Matters get Confused—The "Kernel and the Major" Compelled to go to Fortress Monroe to Straighten Things Out—Mr. Lincoln takes his Revolver—The Major Sticks to His Hickory—Arrival at Fort Monroe —They go on a "Tippergraphical Rekonnisanze"—A Night Alarm— Secretary Stanton tries to get on the President's Pantaloons. | 75 |
| [LETTER IX.] | |
| The Major Figures on the "Nashinal Debt"—Horse Contracts and "Abolishin Preechers"—Banks Defeated—The Major Suggests a New-Fashioned Shield, expressly for Retreats—A Wheelbarrow for every Soldier!—Excitement in Washington—The President not Scared "a Hooter." | 82 |
| [LETTER X.] | |
| The Major Troubled with his Old Complaint, the "Rumatics"—He Examines the Finances—Mr. Chase Frightened—The Major Figures up the Accounts on His Slate—Returns and Shows the Result to Mr. Lincoln—He is Astounded—The "Kernel and the Major" take some Old Rye—The Major Proposes to Return to Downingville to Spend the Fourth of July. | 88 |
| [LETTER XI.] | |
| The Major does not go to Downingville—Loses His Hickory—Gets a Bottle of Whiskey by Adams Express Co.—The Major declines to Sign the Receipt at First—Whiskey and the Constitution—"The Constitushinal Teliskope"—A Magical Change—Mr. Seward's Trick— The Major discovers it—A Negro in It. | 99 |
| [LETTER XII.] | |
| The Major Disappointed—Meets the President at West Point—Sees Gen. Scott—They Talk over Strategy—Returns to Philadelphia with the President—Makes a Speech at Jersey City—Mr. Lincoln also Speaks—Meets Seward at the Astor House—A Wheel within a Wheel— Mr. Seward Caught. | 108 |
| [LETTER XIII.] | |
| The Major Returns to Washington—Things Get Mixed Up—Lincoln and the Panther—Splitting Rails and the Union—The Major and the President Visit Gen. McClellan's Army—Going up James River—Alarm of the Rebels—Exciting Scene on Board the Boat—Nobody hurt—The President Reviews the Troops at Harrison's Landing—The Return Trip—The President and Party Bathe in the Potomac—Almost a Catastrophe—The Major's Life-Preserver—The Moral of it—The President Proposes a Conundrum. | 116 |
| [LETTER XIV.] | |
| The President has an Attack of Fever and Ague—The Major Prescribes Elder-Bark Tea—A Fearful Mistake—The Bark Scraped the Wrong Way—Mr. Lincoln has to be Rolled—Stanton, Seward and the Major— A Ludicrous Scene—The "Kernel" comes to and Begins to Joke—The Moral of taking the wrong Medicine—"The Irrepressible Conflict." | 125 |
| [LETTER XV.] | |
| Gen. McClellan's Change of Base—A Bear Story—A Delegation of Clergymen—The Major's Opinion on Negroes and "Edecated Peepel"—How General Jackson Saw Through Them—How the War is to End—Mr. Lincoln tells Another Story. | 133 |
| [LETTER XVI.] | |
| The Science of "Military Strutegy"—The Major's Opinion upon it—A Call from the Secretary of the American and Foreign Benevolent Society for Ameliorating the Condition of the Colored Race—His Speech—The President's Reply—A Curious Prayer—The Major's Opinion on Slavery—The Critical Condition of Affairs—Mr. Lincoln Tells a Story. | 141 |
| [LETTER XVII.] | |
| A Cabinet Meeting—The President Calls for the Opinion of Each Member—Speeches of Seward, Chase, Stanton, Blair, Welles, Smith and Bates—The Major Called on for an Opinion—The Peperage Log Story—The Major Proposes an Armistice—No Conclusion Arrived at. | 150 |
| [LETTER XVIII.] | |
| The Major not Ill—The President has "the Gripes"—The Witch-Hazel Medicine—Going to the bottom of a Subject—The Democrats and the War—The Emancipation Proclamation—A Visit to Gen. McClellan's Army—The Soldiers Cool—Mr. Lincoln tells a Story—"Sloshing About." | 159 |
| [LETTER XIX.] | |
| The President Nervous—The State Elections—Mr. Lincoln Astonished —He takes Cordial—Mr. Seward Turns Democrat—The Major tells a Story—Mr. Seward and the Major Take a Drink—How John Van Buren got Gen. Scott's Letter—Mr. Stanton on the Elections. | 168 |
| [LETTER XX.] | |
| The New York Election—Mr. Lincoln tells a Story—Cannot do Justice to the Subject—Mr. Lincoln Feels Bad—The Major Amuses him by a Joke—How to get up a Message—Keeping a Party Together—The Excelsior Political Prepared Glue—The Different Stripes of Abolitionists—Boating on the Mississippi River—Poleing Along. | 175 |
| [LETTER XXI.] | |
| The Message—A Cabinet Council—Speeches of Seward, Chase, Stanton, Welles, Blair and Bates—Mr. Lincoln tells a Story—The Major gives His Opinion—Mr. Chase Accuses Him of Disloyalty—The Major Demands a Retraction—It is Given. | 182 |
| [LETTER XXII.] | |
| The Message Finished—Mr. Sumner says it is not Grammatical—The Major's Excuse—Mr. Sumner Finds Fault with the Major's Spelling —The Major Stumps Him—He Gives His Views on "Edication"—Mr. Lincoln Proposes a Conundrum—The Major tells a Story—Mr. Seward's Opinion on the War. | 191 |
| [LETTER XXIII.] | |
| The Major Goes to See the Postmaster-General about Stopping Papers—Mr. Blair Promises to Release Them—The President Again in Trouble—A Change in the Cabinet Demanded—The Major Suggests a Remedy for "the Crysis." | 199 |
| [LETTER XXIV.] | |
| The Emancipation Proclamation—The Way to Get to Richmond—Splitting the Union—The Major tells a Story about Splitting—The President Gets Indignant—Seizes the Boot-jack—The Major Pacifies Him—A Dream—The Major Returns to Downingville. | 207 |
| [LETTER XXV.] | |
| The Major Feels Sorrowful over the Fate of His Country—The Story of the Black Heifer—The Man who Made a "Siss"—The Union—"Insine" Stebbins Again—His Reception at Downingville—"The Insensibles"—A Provoking Accident. | 214 |
| [LETTER XXVI.] | |
| The Democratic Party Whipped—Things as bad as they can be—A Story in Point—Mr. Lincoln sends for the Major again—The Major writes him a Letter—The Return of "Kernel" Stebbins, formerly "Insine" —His Reception at Downingville—"Kernel" Doolittle's Speech— "Kernel" Stebbins' Reply—Elder Sniffles' Preaches a Sermon. | 221 |
| [LETTER XXVII.] | |
| The Major starts for Washington—Takes his Axe with Him—Mr. Lincoln Glad to see Him—The Cabinet in Session—The opinion of Seward, Chase, Stanton and others—The Major called on for an opinion—The Story of Old Sam Odum—Mr. Stanton gets Excited. | 228 |
| [LETTER XXVIII.] | |
| The Major and the "Kernel" at work on the Message—The Major visits Mr. Chase again—Sees the Machines for Printing Greenbacks—A Machine for every General—The Accounts mixed Up—Mr. Lincoln gets Flighty over them—The Major Puts him to bed, and applies a mustard-plaster—He Revives, and proposes a Conundrum—The Major also proposes one. | 235 |
| [LETTER XXIX.] | |
| The Trouble about the Message—Chase and Seward Find Fault with it—The Story of Old Deacon Grimes' Oven—Mr. Lincoln Overrun with Visitors—The Major Suggests a Way to Get Rid of Them—The Small Pox dodge—The Message Finished—Mr. Lincoln tells a Story. | 242 |
| [LETTER XXX.] | |
| The Major visits Parson Blair—The Loyal Leaguers of the White House—A Wonderful Dream—The Grave of the Union—The President Don't Like It—About Leather—How the Capital Looks. | 248 |
INTRODUCTION.
Downingville, July 15, 1864.
To the Editors of the Da-Book: