If your butter, when it is melted, tastes of brass, it is your master’s fault, who will not allow you a silver saucepan; besides, the less of it will go the farther, and new tinning is very chargeable: if you have a silver saucepan, and the butter smells of smoke, lay the fault upon the coals.
Never make use of a spoon in any thing that you can do with your hands, for fear of wearing out your master’s plate.
When you find that you cannot get dinner ready at the time appointed, put the clock back, and then it may be ready to a minute.
Let a red-hot coal now and then fall into the dripping-pan; that the smoke of the dripping may ascend, and give the roast meat a high taste.
You are to look upon the kitchen as your dressing room; but you are not to wash your hands, till you have gone to the Privy, and spitted your meat, trussed your fowl, picked your salad, nor indeed till after you have sent up your second course: for your hands will be ten times fouler with the many things you are forced to handle; but when your work is over, one washing will serve for all.
There is but one part of your dressing that I would admit while the victuals are boiling, roasting, or stewing; I mean, the combing your head, which loseth no time, because you stand over your cookery, and watch it with one hand, while you are using the comb with the other.
If any of the combings happen to be sent up with the victuals, you may safely lay the fault upon any of the footmen that hath vexed you: as those gentlemen are sometimes apt to be malicious, if you refuse them a sop in the pan, or a slice from the spit, much more when you discharge a ladle-full of hot porridge on their legs, or send them up to their masters with a dish-clout pinned at their tail.
In roasting and boiling, order the kitchen-maid to bring none but the large coals, and save the small ones for the fires above stairs: the first are properest for dressing meat; and when they are out, if you happen to miscarry in any dish, you may fairly lay the fault upon the want of coals; besides, the cinder-pickers will be sure to speak ill of your master’s house-keeping, where they do not find plenty of large cinders mixt with fresh large coals: thus you may dress your meat with credit, do an act of charity, raise the honour of your master, and sometimes get share of a pot of ale for your bounty to the cinder-woman.
As soon as you have sent up the second course, you have nothing to do (in a great family) until supper: therefore scour your bands and face, put on your hood and scarf, and take your pleasure among your cronies, till nine or ten at night—but dine first.
Let there be always a strict friendship between you and the butler, for it is both your interests to be united: the butler often wants a comfortable tit-bit, and you much oftener a cool cup of good liquor. However, be cautious of him, for he is sometimes an inconstant lover; because he hath great advantage to allure the maids with a glass of sack, or white-wine and sugar.