"If it is right to send up an expedition now, why was it not right to send it up before?"
"We are a wonderful people; it was never our Government which made us a great nation; our Government has been ever the drag on our wheels."
"I am afraid to say what numbers have been killed through this present policy, certainly some 80,000; and it is not over yet."
"I altogether decline the imputation that the projected expedition has come to relieve me. It has come to save our national honour in extricating the garrisons, &c., from a position in which our action in Egypt had placed these garrisons. I was relief expedition No. I. They are relief expedition No. II. As for myself I could make good my retreat at any moment if I wished. Now realise what would happen if this first relief expedition was to bolt and the steamers fall into the hands of the Mahdi; this second relief expedition (for the honour of England engaged in extricating garrisons) would be somewhat hampered. We, the first and second, are equally engaged for the honour of England. This is fair logic. Earle[15 ] comes up to extricate garrisons and (I hope) succeeds. Earle does not come to extricate me.... I am not the rescued lamb, and I will not be."
In spite of his great anxiety, and the worries through which he was called to pass, Gordon never seemed to lose his sense of humour. There are many amusing entries in his Journals, of which the following may be taken as fair specimens:—
"A horse escaped from the Arabs, formerly belonging to Government. It gave no information; but from its action, may be supposed not to believe in the Mahdi."
"It is really amusing to find (when one can scarcely call one's life one's own) one's servant, already with one wife (which most men find is enough), coming and asking for three days' leave, in order to take another wife. Yet such was the case, a few days ago, with one of my servants."
His comments on the Mahdi are also amusing:—
"The Greek (refugee) who came in told the Greek Consul that the Mahdi puts pepper under his nails, and when he receives visitors then he touches his eyes and weeps copiously; that he eats a few grains of dhoora openly, but in the interior of the house he has fine feeding and drinks alcoholic drinks.... After this pepper business! I think I shall drop any more trouble in writing him letters, trying to convince or persuade him to reasonable measures. I must confess that the pepper business has sickened me; I had hitherto hoped I had to do with a regular fanatic, who believed in his mission, but when one comes to pepper in the finger nails, it is rather humiliating to have to succumb to him, and somehow I have the belief that I shall not have to do so....
"One cannot help being amused at this pepper business. Those who come in for pardon, come in on their knees, with a halter round their neck. The Mahdi rises, having scratched his eyes and obtained a copious flow of tears, and takes off the halter. As the production of tears is generally considered the proof of sincerity, I would recommend the Mahdi's receipt to Cabinet Ministers, justifying some job."