“‘I’d like to hear it then,’ ses I.
“‘Very well,’ ses he. ‘The King of Morocco has a corn on his big toe, and he sent to the United States for a specialist to remove it.’
“‘Is that so?’ ses I. ‘Sure ‘twould be as cheap to send to London or Dublin or Cork itself for a specialist as the United States,’ ses I. ‘An operation like that will cost him a lot of money, anyway, but what matter? He don’t have to earn it, and the more he spends, the more respectable the people will think he is. But nevertheless ‘twould be cheaper for him to cut a piece out of his boot, or cut his toe off altogether, than to send to America for a doctor.’
“‘True,’ ses he, ‘and if we were all to charge as much for the little we do as the doctors and the specialists, ’tis the way that we might make bankrupts of each other overnight, and as a consequence we might all die of want and privation.’
“‘That’s very true indeed, but is that all the news you have for me?’ ses I.
“‘Well, not exactly,’ ses he. ‘There was a man shot in Russia last week, the Grand Duke of Ballybrophy went to America to be lionized by the republicans and democrats, a kangaroo died in Australia, the King of Italy bought a new hat, and Queen Victoria gave a shilling for the relief of the poor of Ireland.’
“‘And tell me,’ ses I, ‘is it all to be given to the Protestants?’
“‘No,’ ses he, ‘’tis to be equally divided among the poor of all classes.’
“‘I’m glad to hear that,’ ses I, ‘because it denotes a fine, broad-minded, and generous spirit. But what pleases me more than anything else is that she has not forgotten that Ireland is still on the map.’
“‘Why,’ ses he, ‘Ireland will never be forgotten while there is money to be made at politics in America, and politics, they say, is the most popular religion in the United States.’