After years of painstaking attention to all the details of a child's home surroundings, in the hope that this attention will result in distinct gains to the child's character, it must be very discouraging to notice some fine day that Louise is becoming rather finicky about the food—which is just as good as she has always had—and that Arthur is inclined to become rather short in speaking to his mother—not to say impudent. And both are likely to become critical not only about the food but about a hundred other things that they find at home. And both are likely to be something not far from impudent in giving expression to their criticisms. In fact, they will be quite prepared to undertake the education of their parents, and to tell you with alarming assurance just how and when to do things, both at home and abroad. Fortunate, indeed, are the parents who have come to this critical stage in their education equipped with a sense of humor.
However, these unexpected and mortifying outbreaks of inconsiderateness and bad manners do not show that your early efforts have all been in vain. They do not show that outside influences beyond your control have perverted your children, or have counteracted your efforts. They show merely that Louise and Arthur are still growing, and have now entered upon that most interesting and most significant period of the new birth.
It is well, first of all, for the mother—and the father, too—to realize that this period is a passing one, for this knowledge can save you many a worried day and many a sleepless night. I do not mean that when the child comes to this dangerous age you are simply to let nature and impulse have their way. I mean only that the problems are to be met with many devices, but not with worry. For we are coming to understand some of the fundamental causes of the great changes that occur in the nature of the growing child at this time, and we are learning, accordingly, better ways of dealing with the troublesome manifestations of these changes. Not that we can lay down rules for the proper handling of all adolescents everywhere, for we can not. Every individual is a problem by himself; but we can learn a better way of approaching this precious problem, a more helpful attitude to maintain toward him or her.
There is a physical basis for the remarkable alterations in the minds and morals of this age. The infant grows very rapidly at first, but with a diminishing rate until about the twelfth year. Then, almost suddenly, the rate of growth increases again, and in four or five years most children have attained nearly their full physical growth. Associated with this great physical growth is the fact that some organs grow much faster than others, so that the proportions of an adult come to be very different from those of a child. In the meanwhile, however, there has been a great strain on the system, because, apart from the demands of the general body growth, some of the organs have not been able to keep up with the special demands made upon them. For example, the growth in body weight and in muscle may proceed more rapidly than the proportionate growth of the lungs or the liver, or the weight may increase more rapidly than the proportionate strength of the muscles. Moreover, the nervous system is developing at a more rapid rate, probably, than the other systems of organs, and this strain shows itself in various ways that are disagreeable to adults with fixed habits and standards.
All of these changes are intimately bound up with the development of the sex organs and with the approach of sexual maturity.
A graceful child becomes awkward and a well-mannered child comes to act rudely and to speak quite unlike his former self. These changes are related to the fact that with the development of the nervous system there arise impulses for hundreds of new kinds of movements which the child can learn to suppress or to control only with the passing of time. This is the age at which the child is exposed to the acquirement of many undesirable muscular habits, such as various kinds of fidgetings, biting of the finger-nails, twirling of buttons, wrinkling of the forehead, shruggings, swaying the body, rolling the tongue, tapping with the fingers or the feet, and so on. Nearly a thousand of these uncontrolled or "automatic" movements have been described in children of this age. Of course, any of these movements that produce sounds or that catch our eye are very annoying to us, and if we have never nagged before, we are likely to begin now by saying Don't this and Don't that, for we have never been tempted like this before. But nagging is not what is called for.
Are we then to let them keep on annoying others, or are we to leave them to themselves to make permanent these awkward and disturbing and often hideous movements? We should do neither. We should remember that now of all times the boy or girl needs our friendship and our sympathy; we should let the young person feel that our objections are not based upon our momentary annoyance, but upon our concern for the kinds of habits he will acquire; and we should do what we can to help him break his habit, not insist that he break it for us. Moreover, it is not certain that all of these fidgetings and tappings should be suppressed upon their first appearance. Most of these automatic movements disappear of themselves as the child matures and learns to direct his nervous energy into channels that lead to useful actions, as he acquires skill and self-control through practice in gymnastics or with tools, or musical instruments or at some games. And while there should be every opportunity to play games and musical instruments and to handle tools, etc., we should not be discouraged if, after a whole day of hard exertion in work and play, there is still some energy left for drumming on the table or teasing sister or the cat, or for dancing a jig upstairs and rattling the lamp.
Closely connected with the rapid development of the nervous system is the fact of the increasing irritability of temper. This will show itself every day in a hundred ways. Of course, it is unreasonable, and, of course, the boy or girl is not to be allowed to become rude and impatient and domineering. But with this increasing irritability comes increasing sensitiveness, and it is very easy for you to make him realize that his conduct is not that becoming a gentleman, or that his manner has been offensive. He will not give you the satisfaction, very often, of letting you know that he fully appreciates your point of view; indeed, he will even make a show of disputing your position; he will try to argue out a justification for his conduct, or at least a mitigation. But he knows very well what his offense is, and is thoroughly ashamed of himself; but he has to save his face.
It may be helpful to mothers and fathers, and to others who have to do with girls and boys of this age, to know that what appears to us as impudence is very often but an expression of the child's awkward attempt to hide his discomfiture or embarrassment. This is especially true in the early stages of adolescence. The boy or girl is becoming conscious of himself as a person, and resents being treated as a child; the only way he knows of asserting his personality is by affecting an air of disdain toward those who presume to treat him as a child. This swagger is more likely to be put on when there is a third person present. It is therefore always safer to reserve your discussions and corrections to the time when you are alone with your girl or boy, and can place your conversation on an intimate basis.
Hand in hand with spells of most irritating self-assertiveness, the adolescent is subject to spells of most depressing humility and self-abnegation. Indeed, at every point this period is marked by the most violent contrasts and alterations of mood. Hours or days of seeming indifference to all interests and activities will be followed by keen excitement and enthusiasm. A fit of doubt in his own ability and worthiness will be followed by almost ludicrous self-confidence. A feverish desire for constant companionship will follow a dull and moody search for seclusion and solitude. In general it is perhaps wisest to ignore these changing moods, except where they find their outlet in offensive or vicious conduct. We must remember that it is just as trying to the young person as it is to the older ones; and, while we may not be prepared to yield our comfort and our standards to the whims of the girl or boy, we should seek for adjustment through sympathetic exchange of ideas and sentiments, and not through arbitrary rules. In any case, these changing moods need not in themselves be considered occasions for misgivings and worry about the future development, for they are part and parcel of the rapid changes in the nervous system.