"We were married," he said, "shortly after I was graduated from law school. For just five years we were happy. We were in love. I was making good in my profession. Helen took delight in her household duties and her baby. Then one day—the exact date is still engraved in letters of fire on my memory—I received a letter. It was from the Society for the Propagation of Ethical Statistics. It said that a study was being made of the churchgoing habits of college graduates, and there was a printed list of questions which I was requested to answer. I cannot recall the entire list, but these were some of the items:
"Do you go to church willingly or to please your wife?
"Do you stay all through the sermon?
"What is the average amount you deposit in the contribution plate (a) in summer; (b) in winter?
"Is your choice of a particular church determined by (a) creed; (b) the quality of the preaching; (c) ventilation?
"Are you ever overtaken by sleep during the sermon, and if so, at what point in the sermon do you most readily yield to the influence? (Note: In answering this question a state of recurrent drowsiness is to be considered as sleep.)
"Do you go to sleep most easily under (a) an Episcopalian; (b) Presbyterian; (c) Methodist; (d) Rabbi; (e) Ethical Culturist? (Note: Strike out all but one of the above names.)
"Is your awakening attended by a sensation of remorse or merely one of profound astonishment?
"What do you consider to be the ideal length for a sermon, leaving climatic conditions out of account?