“Why,” he declaimed, “you poor little dried codfish, if it wasn’t for me you’d never have a vacation. You trust old dad to handle Pilkings. We’ll get away just as sure as God made little apples.”
“You mustn’t use curse-words,” murmured Mother, undiscouraged by forty years of trying to reform Father’s vocabulary. “And it would be a just judgment on you for your high mightiness if you didn’t get a vacation, and I don’t believe Mr. Pilkings will give you one, either, and if it wa’n’t for—”
“Why, I’ve got it right under my hat.”
“Yes, you always think you know so much more—”
Father rounded the table, stealthily and treacherously put his lips at her ear, and blew a tremendous “Zzzzzzzz,” which buzzed in her ear like a file on a saw-blade.
Mother leaped up, furious, and snapped, “I’m simply ashamed of you, the way you act, like you never would grow up and get a little common sense, what with scaring me into conniption fits, and as I was just going to say, and I only say it for your own good, if you haven’t got enough sense to know how little sense you have got, you at your time of life, why, well, all I can say is—you ought to know better.”
Then Father and Mother settled peacefully down and forgot all about their disagreement.
Since they had blessedly been relieved of the presence of their talented daughter, who, until her marriage, had been polite to them to such an extent that for years they had lived in terror, they had made rather a point of being naughty and noisy and happy together, but by and by they would get tired and look affectionately across the table and purr. Father tinkered away at a broken lamp-shade till suddenly, without warning, he declared that Mother scolded him merely to conceal her faith in his ability to do anything. She sniffed, but she knew that he was right. For years Mother had continued to believe in the cleverness of Seth Appleby, who, in his youth, had promised to become manager of the shoe-store, and gave the same promise to-day.
Father justified his shameless boast by compelling Mr. Pilkings to grant him the usual leave of absence, and they prepared to start for West Skipsit, Cape Cod, where they always spent their vacations at the farm-house of Uncle Joe Tubbs.
Mother took a week to pack, and unpack, to go panting down-stairs to the corner drug-store for new tubes of tooth-paste and a presentable sponge, to remend all that was remendable, to press Father’s flappy, shapeless little trousers with the family flat-iron, to worry over whether she should take the rose-pink or the daffodil-yellow wrapper—which had both faded to approximately the same shade of gray, but which were to her trusting mind still interestingly different. Each year she had to impress Mrs. Tubbs of West Skipsit with new metropolitan finery, and this year Father had no peace nor comfort in the ménage till she had selected a smart new hat, incredibly small and close and sinking coyly down over her ear. He was only a man folk, he was in the way, incapable of understanding this problem of fashion, and Mother almost slapped him one evening for suggesting that it “wouldn’t make such a gosh-awful lot of difference if she didn’t find some new fad to impress Sister Tubbs.”