On the 17th we had to march in a blinding blizzard, with 42° of frost, but mercifully the wind was behind us; and although the sledge with the sail up sometimes overran us and sometimes, getting into a patch of soft snow, brought us up with a jerk, we were thankful that we had not to face such a wind. The jerks, however, were very painful; for when we were brought up suddenly, the harness round our weakened stomachs hurt us very much indeed.
All of us had tragic dreams of getting food to eat, and with four men as hungry as we were, I can assure you that it saves much envy if all of them finish their meal at precisely the same moment. The man in our party who managed to make his hoosh last longer than the rest of us was not for the time being at all a popular man.
On the 18th we sighted Mount Discovery, and it seemed to be a connecting link between us and our winter quarters. Its big, bluff form showed out in the north-west, and we felt that this same mountain might at the very moment be drawing the eyes of our own people. It looked like a reminder that there was still a place called "home," and helped to cheer us on our painful way.
Mount Erebus was sighted on the following morning, and if we had not come to the end of our supplies again, except for some scraps of meat scraped off the bones of Grisi after they had been lying on the snow and in the sun for months, all would have been well. To eat these however, was too great a risk until we were faced with absolute and complete starvation, and on the following day we hoped to reach Depot A.
Calls to breakfast had long since been things of the past. The cook of the day no longer said, "Come on boys; good hoosh," for no good hoosh was to be had and in less time than it has taken me to write this out food was finished, and then our hopes and thought lay wholly in the direction of the next feed, so called from force of habit.
On the 20th we were impeded by such a bad light that we could only see a little way; but by 4 P.M. we reached Depot A, at which was the tin of jam that we had originally intended to eat on Christmas Day—and never did jam taste more delightful! Our depoted tobacco and cigarettes were also there, and apart from the intense enjoyment of a good smoke, I felt sure that tobacco would make up for the shortage of food until we reached the Bluff depot. This last depot was the one which I had told Joyce to lay out, and which was the one ray of hope in front of us during these days of hunger and disease.
At any rate, we had to stake upon finding provisions at the Bluff, for we had not food enough to carry us back to the ship. In fact, if we did not find it we were lost men Each time we took in another hole in our belts we said that everything would be all right as soon as the Bluff was reached, and so eager were we to reach the good things in store for us that on the 21st we struggled on through a blizzard with as many as 67° of frost.
Shackleton standing by the broken Southern Sledge, which was replaced by another at the Grisi Depot
In ordinary polar work no one would think of travelling in such weather, but our need was extreme and we had to keep on going. Food lay ahead and death stalked us from behind. We were so thin that our bones ached as we lay on the hard snow in our sleeping-bags. Was it to be wondered at that, blizzard or no blizzard, we were determined to struggle forward until we dropped?