“And what advantage will that be?” muttered Lysight, with a half-suppressed imprecation. “Her father pretends,” continued he, “to be a Christian, and affects to keep a shop in the Strand, under the name of ‘Salmon, watchmaker:’ but in reality he is a d—d Jew, and only pretends to be a Christian that he may transact affairs for certain Israelites of the city, who give him the devil’s own rate of commission!—I hope to be a partner ere long!”
“Suppose he receives stolen goods, Ned?” said I. “You’d cut but a queer figure at the tail of a cart with a cat-o’-nine-tails flourished over you.”
“Father of Israel!” exclaimed Lysight, already half a Jew, “you mistake the matter totally. No, no! the maid-servant, whom I bribed with the price of my last squib in the Chronicle, told me every thing about Solomon Salmon—his dealings, his daughter, and his great iron chest with eleven locks to it: but as to goods, he never has fifty pounds’ worth of trinkets or watches in his shop—only a few in the window, to look like trade. He deals in the lending and borrowing way only—all cash transactions, depend on it.”
“For Heaven’s sake, Ned,” said I, “how did you introduce yourself into the family of a Hebrew?”
“I met the girl three months ago,” he replied, “at a dancing-school at Somers’ Town, set up by an old Irish acquaintance, Terry M‘Namara, with whom I dine sometimes: he told me she was a rich Jewess; so when I heard of her papa, I determined to know something more about his daughter, and stole frequently to Somers’ Town, where Mr. Solomon Salmon has a pretty cit cottage. There I hid behind a dead wall just in front, and when she came to the window, I nodded, and she ran away, as if offended. I knew this was a good sign with a woman. She soon returned to the window. I nodded again. Away went she a second time; but I heard a loud laugh, and considered that a capital sign: and in fact, she came a third time. Then I was sure, and nodded twice, whereupon she returned the salutation. Having carried on the nodding system sufficiently, I now ventured to speak to her on my fingers—an art which I had seen her dexterously practise at the dancing-school. ‘My love!’ fingered I; at which she turned her back, but soon turned her face again. ‘My love!’ I repeated, still on my fingers. Off she scampered, but soon came back in company with the maid-servant (whom I therefore bribed next day). I now ventured to suggest an interview the following evening. The Jewess flushed at this proposal; but on my repetition of it, held up seven of her fingers.
“Of course I was punctual at the time appointed, was admitted, and we swore eternal fidelity on the Old Testament. The maid betrayed us as soon as I ran short of hush-money, but repented afterward, when I gave her a fresh supply, and told me that her master, Mr. Solomon Salmon, had locked his daughter up. She had then attempted to throw herself out of a two-pair window for my sake; but the old Jew having caught her in the very act, she peremptorily told him she was determined to fall into a decay or consumption of the lungs, if he did not consent to her marrying the Christian counsellor.
“This he was in the sequel forced to agree to, or sacrifice his own virgin daughter, (like the king in the Bible,) besides whom he luckily has no other child to inherit his fortune, and the mother is at least twenty years past childbearing.
“At length all was settled, and we are to be actually married as Christians on Monday next. Little Egar of Hare Court has drawn up the marriage articles, and I am to have ten thousand now—that is, the interest of it during the Jew’s life, payable quarterly: then twenty more, and all the rest on the mother’s death: and in the mean time, half his commission on money dealings (to commence after a few months’ instruction), together with the house in Somers’ Town, where I shall reside and transact business.”
All this Lysight told me with great glee and admirable humour.
“Egad, it’s no bad hit, Ned,” said I; “many a high-headed grand-juror on the Munster circuit would marry Solomon Salmon himself upon the same terms.”